My kids, marriage or my sanity?
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| Sun, 06-13-2004 - 8:16pm |
My husband is 44, and is a major neat freak, he's like the guy in the movie w/ Julia Roberts "Sleeping W/ the Enemy" (he's not Phys. abusive though). He's driving me insane, he yells at our kids all the time. Not for doing really bad things, just kid things,like touching the walls, not always picking up their toys, laughing, playing, splashing water on the bathroom floor when they take a bath etc...
I really want to leave him but I'm somewhat afraid of being on my own. I do everything w/ the boys anyway so it's not as if I'm missing anything. He is not my eldest sons father. I'm so frustrated at this moment I can barely put this into words so bare w/ me. He always changing his jobs for some reason or another, he has 3 other children besides mine that he pays child support for. He barely spends time w/ the boys.He keeps saying next summer when they get older. They have and he hasn't done anything yet. He doesn't teach them how to play sports, ride a bike or did he potty train, no reading books, no talks @ puberty. Only thing he thinks @ is playing his video games all the time (sports only), sports center & sex. Sometimes I feel that the only reason that he got w/ me was because I was young & beautiful w/ a great head on my shoulders. I've wanted to go back to school( which I specified before we got serious & @ haVING KIDS). ITS like nothing that I've said or has said matters, he's a old bag set in his ways. At times I'm staring to feel as if I hate him and so does the kids.
Now I have this male friend who has been in my life for 10 yrs. He used to be my partner for some time then I got w/ my eldest sons father so we splitted. He's always been there for me & my kids no matter what. He's the kind of man that I wanted but circumstances just didn't work out. Well my husband always haves me to depend on my friend for things like taking me to work when I did work, fixing on my cars, because he refuses to get his nails dirty.. My husband can clean and decorate the house way better than me on a given day, I must admits myself I'm good... people call me "The Black Martha Stewart."
Like now the 4yr. old just spilled his cereal and he's cursing at h im and talking @ sending him to bed. He never has any patience for them especially my calvin (4). then when he fusses he carries it on & on & on....
I left me and the kids back in Dec.. I felt so bad & cried all weekend blaming myself. My friend was there to pick up the pieces w/o trying to fit himself in. He wants me But I don't want him I just want to be left alone to raise my kids.
I feel as if I'm going to be an old maid soon and have to take care of him. He has nothing to offer me or my children. We rent a duplex(We had a house but we had to let it go b-cuz he didn't want to work 2 jobs to pay the mortgage anymore, we didn't get the loan b-cuz he doesn't have steady job history, so here we are again.
I'm so freakin tired does anyone have suggestions PLEASE

I found male people in my church, school and community to spend time with my boys the same way any other child from a 2 parent home had time with other males in the community. They didn't have Big Brothers even though I believe this is a great organization. This included a male piano teacher so my oldest could share music with a male perspective. My youngest had a male class assistant (I pushed real hard for that one) and male student counsellor in school - these people really helped him to come out of his shell even if just for a few hours. One assistant also spent time with him on occasion after school. Any counsellors for my kids were males. Sports - well there's always males in sports - we had good role models in the sports department. When the boys had issues that were school related I would ask that a male staff (often the principal) would take time to sit and talk with them about these things. I found the school my boys attended to be very supportive and I could discuss any concerns I had with at least 1 staff member at alomost any given time. My sons may not have noticed, but seeking out these male role models for them gave them opportunities to be mentored in healthy ways. I looked for males who had good reputations when it came to relationships with children/students. Church - sometimes adult males would take my boys under their wing at church functions to give me a break and my boys really looked up to them. At home - we also talked about a lot of issues - from where babies come from, movies, dating, how to treat girls, how not to treat girls, building up their confidence, etc. Sometimes they chose not to say anything. I still had them listen to what I felt needed to be said. I answered their questions as much as possible at their level - just the question - not the whole textbook. There were others who were women who also cared for my boys but they benefitted most from the males in their life.
"I just want to be left alone to raise my kids." I can definitely relate. Finding males in the community who would be these role models to my boys and only that - helped take off a lot of the pressure of being in intimate relationships in order to have a male role model for my children. I am still single and I've found that raising the boys on my own compared to raising them with an opposing partner was simply less stressful and much more positive for all of us. They are now 21 and 18 and becoming well established young men. My oldest is getting married this summer. Anyways that's been our experience.
P.s. my name is selina johnson
Thank you again
Selinaj@famvid.com