On my last straw....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
On my last straw....
2
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 2:44pm
Hello everyone!

I am absolutely at my wits end with my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years...and we have been living together for the past 2 years. Lately, our good conversations end up in argument! Our latest escapade was just today...he called me at work to tell me about the wonderful time he was having with his father at a football game. Somehow, our conversation shifted to him not pulling his weight with the house chores! Last night, I came home so excited to see him after work but when I got home, he didn't take out the trash (like he promised) from two days ago! It may seem that something like that is such a minute thing...it means alot to me if he can remember to do something so simple; but it makes me think is he capable of doing the not-so-minute things when we start building a family.

It seems that whenever we are in good moods we put each other in bad ones! The only thing he throws back at me after we have successfully turned our conversation for the worst is "I don't complain about things that you do that I don't like." In a way, this is true. The only thing he does complain about is me complaining about him!

Am I being a completely unreasonable person to want to have my boyfriend/roommate take out the trash once in a while (for example), considering he does not do any other cleaning around the house? Of course, not all we argue about is house chores...We have tried compromising...Well, when his end of the bargain starts to disappear, I get frustrated.

Is this what love is supposed to be? Frustration? I'm not trying to mold him into the super clean freak that I am, I just would appreciate a more attrative living environment...not just putting dirty dishes and cups in the bedroom or putting your dirty clothes in a heaping pile in the middle of our bedroom.

I don't know what to do anymore. I think we have better conversations on the phone than we do in person...and with my new job, I don't get to see him on the weekends (his days off). Do you think there is a distance between that is causing us to argue so much?! Help! Any advice would be golden at this point....

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:19am
Sounds to me like your relationship has become a rather unhealthy environment. Sometimes couples tend to fight alot over little things because the problem lies deeper. My boyfriend can be the same sometimes. I completely clean the apartment go out, and come home to cups laying around, clothes on the floor, etc. But we never ever fight about that stuff. It is one little thing that annoys me but I know that I'm sure I subconsciously probably do things that maybe drive him a little nuts : ) Maybe you should take some time out to re-evaluate the relationship. I mean are you willing to throw it all away for this? Maybe configure your feelings & sit down with him & try to have a reasonable conversation about how much this is bothering you instead of yelling or fighting about it. If you truly love him you will see past his flaws...we all have them. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 2:04pm
Nobody likes to be told they aren't pulling their weight or told what to do. Ask him if it's about a power struggle.... it's something you want done and for that very reason he won't do it, on purpose.


Carrie