my lovechild has 2 dads where do I stand

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
my lovechild has 2 dads where do I stand
3
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 12:34am
I have been married almost 3yrs. and unhappy for at least the last 8 mos. I have two chlidren, one my oldest 4 1/2 is my "lovechild" my other is almost 2. My 4yr.olds "real" dad just found out, less then two weeks ago, I had his son. He wants to be included in his life and I think he has the right. My husband is against this, because he knows I was deeply IN LOVE with my sons father and the fact that he is the one who has been there for all these years. My husband and I live two different lives, until Sunday comes around when we do the famliy thing. I have only seen my ex more then a few times and I have already talked to him about us and all of this. He doesn't want to mess up my marriage and neither do I But I find myself happy when I have been around him or after we have talked. He calls and invites my kids and I over to his house. I offer just my son and he always extends the invition, but when I have declined, he'll take just my son. My husband even notices I'm Happy since he has come back into my life. And wants to know what I want to do. Please help because I do have true feelings for my ex and I feel like I can't tell anyone. p.s.(The ex did not know about the baby because we were 21 and into drugs. I didn't want that kind of life for my baby so I went "unknowen". He been clean for years and so have I.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:29am

The happier you are, the happier your children will be in the long run. I suggest doing what will make you happy...


How was your marriage to your husband before this man came into the picture??


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 4:57pm
Hon, the choices we make dictate the life we lead. You made a decision to get married. You made a decision to mark the birth certificate 'unknown', now you have to deal with the consequences of your choices. Your post sounds like you are still 'in love' with your son's father BUT I caution you, 1) the grass is not greener, 2) you haven't ever had a healthy, non-drug association with this man (and it makes a HUGE difference.

This man does have the right to see his child, so setting boundaries with him is going to have to be up to you. You are a married woman, remember that. Take steps to make your marriage stronger.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:02pm
PS I shared your post with my bf, boy, did you disturb him. Here's what he wrote me:

What the hell is wrong with her husband. Why is he with this woman?!?!??! She says nothing about caring for her current husband.

"lovechild" what the hell is her 2 year old then!??!


Carrie