my man and porn!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
my man and porn!
7
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 11:23am
hello there



well my problem has ben an on going argument for ages now + ive quite a few times asked others for advice??

y does my partner look at porn when im not in? in that respect he does not do in when im in as he knows how i feel about about + it isant something he does everyday either.

i love him to bits everything would be perfect if i can just accepct this i mean he doesnt cheat on me so what is my problem?

i just feel very sick be the whole thing i feel jealous + rubbish about myself!

is it normal? do all men masterbate to porn? + is it a replacement for sex? we have a fine sex life but im not interested in looking at porn at all i feel he wants something else or someone else?

he is the perfect man in every way possible + love me to bits to!!

please i would really like to hear ur thoughts on it as its tearing us apart my constant naggin + jealousy i cant stop thinking about it !!!!!

kayla x x

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 11:46am
well, one thing to understand is that most normal men DO look at porn... why? because men are visual creatures... that's how they are.

i haven't met a man yet who would pass up the opportunity to look at a naked woman - and any man who tells you he wouldn't is lying through his teeth...

it doesn't mean you're ugly or that he'd cheat on you or that anything is wrong with you.

women don't always look at porn because, well, honestly, men aren't as beautiful as we are :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 4:49pm
Like most of the men today (approx. 90%) , I struggle with sexual temptation. Sexual temptation comes in many forms such as porn, covers of magazines (Swimsuit mags, women's mags with models on the front(example:Cosmopolitan),etc), movies with sexual scenes, and sometimes even newspaper ads. Men struggle with the way some women dress today because men are visually stimulated. I have read a book titled "Every man's battle : Every Man's Guide to ...Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time" by author's Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. It is a very good book because it explains how and why men struggle with sexual temptation and what steps can be taken to help with overcoming the "addiction". It is a Christian book which some people may be turned off by but I highly suggest every man and woman read this to help understand what most men go through on a daily basis. Personally, I struggle with it daily but I am still trying very hard to overcome this problem. I don't look at porn and I try very hard not to watch tv shows or movies with sexual scenes, music videos, or even look at swimsuit magazines. I really suggest you read this book even if your husband doesn't want to. It does give women some ideas to help their husbands out such as tearing off the cover of magazines with "attractive" women on the cover. I really wish you the best of luck because I know it hurts you that he does this and if he would admit it, it hurts him down deep inside also. I admit I really didn't want to read this book at first but once I did I couldn't put it down because I really related to the author's experiences. By the way I am currently reading it again because I think it is such a good book to read.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 10:36pm
Don`t have a answer but can only say that I am dealing with porn for almost 6 years.

Tried everything that people usually say but it didn`t work.Now I found on our computer

shemale porn that he looked at not to long ago.Now I know that I was wasting time before

with trying everything.All that talk that porn is normal and women should just get used to it doesn`t work.BTW I forgot to say to he had no interest for almost 3 months now in any sex with me.So much for how good porn can be for a relationship.It does kill ours every day a little bit more.

Talk to him and if he loves you then he puts your feelings first before porn.But if he is still doing it you have a choice.Stay with him and really learn to love it.If you still hate it that much then you have to think about it really hard of what your next step will be.Sure hope you will never find yourself replaced by shemale porn.I wish you luck in whatever you will do.You love him and that was my reason too to keep on going.What I found out is that when porn takes over then nothing is as important anymore.Think long and hard about what you are going to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 10:01pm
My b/f use to look @ porn. He doesn't anymore because I won't let him touch me after he has. (I won't be used for him to get off after him getting turned on by looking at someone else)He would rather be with me then to masturbate. He loves me & respects my feelings. Hope everything works out well for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:03am
My bf looks at porn every few weeks, I can tell by the cleared history on our computer when I type in a web address, but its not very often, so I ignore it (or look at it if I please for a few minutes) - most of the time guys will do it when they haven't had sex with you in a bit. But I've grown up with guy cousins and guy friends and I have always known that men look at women, whether at a magazine or at porn, it isn't unnatural. What isn't normal is your guy looking at it any free chance he gets or to turn himself on before being with you - that is just wrong. I would definitely stand up for myself and if he doesn't want to adjust to make me somewhat happier by compromising, you shouldn't want to put yourself through anymore worrying/stressing/anger.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 6:55am
thankyou everyone for ur advice its really apcriated i dont think the problem is as bad as i portryed it to yoy my patrner is a lovely bloke + would never go out of his way to hurt me! we have got a good sex life thank god + when we r not geting on + its not that good i no he dosnt look at porn then either!! nor does he do it to get him turned on before being with me its really not like that at all! he maybelooks at it once a week sometimes not for 2 weeks or 3 weeks generally if im away all night! working! it could be worse if could be meeting up with some one else those 2 nights i work away but he dosnt!

im really starting to get to grips with this thanks alot x x x

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 7:39am

Wow, I need to put in my signature my "why guys look at porn, and what it does and doesn't mean when they do" speach.


First off, I am a guy, so I would like to think that I understand guys at least a little bit.