My poor husband...
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My poor husband...
| Wed, 10-01-2008 - 3:00pm |
My poor husband! The sex has never been fabulous between us, but we've been trying to make it better. Recently I went off my birth control so that we can start trying to have a baby. My frustration is that he has never been able to ejaculate during intercourse with me. He claims he's only been able to do it 2-3 times in the past with other women. So, I've been getting frustrated, wondering how we will ever have a baby if he isn't able to finish. Twice now I've gotten too emotional over it and have cried after we have sex. Now, he feels like he's under so much pressure 1) to finish and 2) to satisfy me, that it's hard for him to even become aroused. We love each other deeply, but I'm very self conscious about the fact that he's had WAY more experience than I have and I feel like I have to measure up, but I don't know if I can. My fear is that because he's had all these wild sexcapades and "I can't measure up" (that's my feeling, by the way, not necessarily his) that he will eventually go off and find it elsewhere. He swears he loves me too much to ever do that, but it's always in the back of my head. I'm willing to try anything to build my self-esteem, help him become more aroused, make the sex better and eventually get pregnant! Any suggestions?!

I dont understand - has he ever explained his inability to ejaculate inside of you during IC?
The fact that your husband can't ejaculate during sex is "his" problem, not yours. Don't make it about you. It's easy to construct all kinds of fantasies explaining it, (with you coming out as the one who has the problem), but many men have this difficulty and it can be helped with proper assistance. A good sex therapist can work with him on it. Also, you can still have a child. Many people become artifically inseminated by their own husband's sperm. There are many solutions for all the issues you talk about. I suggest you get some good professional help with your situation, a sex therapist for your husband and possibly a counselor for you to speak to as well about your frustration and low self esteem.
All good wishes,
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Thanks for your response sugarbaby_gal. He says that his "inability to ejaculate during IC" is purely mental...that for so many years he was worried about getting someone pregnant that he always stopped himself before ejaculation and now he thinks it's just a matter of reversing that mentality. So, it's not that he can't ejaculate (he can with oral stimulation), it's just that he can't during IC.
The part about my self-esteem is really a separate issue and doesn't really have anything to do with his not being able to ejaculate. It's really more of a bunch of concerns I have (my self-esteem, his inability to ejaculate during IC, and now the added pressure I've inadvertantly put on him that has caused this new problem of him having a hard time becoming aroused). Part of his problem is that he's thinking too much during sex. He doesn't seem to know how to just enjoy the moment...he's too concerned about his performance.