My Prince Charming is Leaving!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
My Prince Charming is Leaving!!!!!!
4
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 12:35pm
Ok here it goes I need help! After almost 5 years of unhappiness with my Ex-boyfriend. I decided to end that relationship almost 4 months ago. Right after my break-up with that nightmare of a man. I met the most awsome South American gorgeous guy !We have been dating for almost 3 months now. Things are going well, after all we in the Peaches n' Cream stage. The big BUT here is that he has to leave in November back to South America because he's opening his own business in his country. Now I am totally a mess again I would leave with him on a moments notice but I don't know if its too soon to ask him if he would take me with him. I would even settle to ask to go for a short vacation with him. I don't want to ruin what we have going for each other. The move for me wouldn't be a problem I like to travel and It has always been a fantasy for me to live in another place just to experience something different. I also don't know if he's ether scared to ask me or maybe he's not ready for that yet. I am independent I have my career and don't need any finantial support from no one and he's aware of this. Please someone give an idea or advise on how to either make him ask me or on how to go about it to tell him that I will be willing to move just for love. Please please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 2:41pm
barbarella4...

You might as well ASK HIM if you can head back to South America with him. The worst thing he'll say is: NO!

If you have no problems with living in another country, are willing to adapt to the culture of another country, and are financially secure (so the b/f won't feel obligated to SUPPORT YOU)...what's the problem?

Pianoguy wonders if there MIGHT be a g/f in South America? Or at least a woman his 'family' has gotten him engaged to? If that's the case...all the LOVE in the world you may have for this man might not be enough of a 'persuader' to relocate?

Talk it over with him and watch the expressions on his face. That'll give you a better indication if he wants you with him or not? Good luck from...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 10:21am
Thanks Pianoguy,

The problem that I have is how about to ask him If he wants me to come along with him without sounding like a retard. I know that the least that he would say would be no. Time is ticking away and I am such a chicken that I can't bring myself to ask. Oh well, I keep putting datelines for myself to ask but I keep breaking them due to my lack of courage. Ha ha ha I am not usually like this I am always straight and to the point . I have no idea why am I behaving like a 15 year old? I thank you for your advise I guess I will ask and if the answer is no then he was not worth it anyway.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 10:29am

Of course it is early in the relationship to decide to "move" to another country to be with him. That seems like too much too soon. However, going for a vacation is a simple matter. There's no reason why you can't lightly say that you'd be so happy to spend some time visiting him, and that you've always wanted to visit that country. Do it lightly. See what his reaction is. YOu can't really spoil what you have, because he's leaving anyway. And, you do have a right to know how he would feel about this. This will tell you a lot about how he feels about the relationship, in general.


What is going to happen now is that the two of you will embark upon a long distance relationship. These have many difficulties with them. It's a good idea to talk it all out first. Ask him how he sees your relationship going on? Does he? Do it lightly again. Then let him express what's going on with him. A danger in long distance relationships and also in the early stages is that fantasy can replace really knowing the facts about what's happening. It's time now to find out the facts. You don't want to be left longing and imagining you have something between you which you don't.


Take good care and best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 12:01pm
Thanks for your advise. The only thing I forgot to mention was that when he comunicated to me about his move. He said that he wanted to be straightfoward and that it was up to me to decide if i wanted to keep going on with the relationship. He explained that he didn't want to make me hurt by not telling me that he was leaving. So, I have decided to carry-on with it. We get along great no problems. Its just ever since this was comunicated I have a feeling we both are trying not to get too deep. Eventhough he said he loved me before he even knew that he was moving. I am sad at times and exhilarated at others. He seems the same ever since we started dating but for some strange reason I am starting to over analyze things too much. Like for example poems were sent in the beginning now I am lucky if I get an e-mail. He called every night now at times he skips a day. Bear in mind I have not complained for any reason to him. We do see each other every weekend and behave like normal couples do. I only burden my best friend when I get crazy like this. For some reason all of this is happening is because in the back of my mind I am thing there's is a deadline lurking in the horizon. I think this has me nuts. Hes a very laid back guy and very realistic about things and open-minded. I think he also doesn't want to get hurt. Maybe I just need to open my mouth once and for all. I don't want to be longing and asking myself all the time What if ?