My problem or his?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
My problem or his?
2
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 3:48pm

My boyfriend and I have had many ups and downs. Mostly, a cause and effect of my extreme jealously and trust issues. The other day I was on Facebook at his place and saw a picture with his female friend with the caption " I just realized this was a couples picture" from one of his classmates. Needless to say, I freaked out but I remained calm bringing the situation up to him. I called him into his room and asked him what the picture was all about. He looked at it and said I dont really even know that girl on the left. And I replied, well you know her obviously through vet school and you are Facebook friends with her. I was panicing inside. I have self-worth issues and self esteem issues and this was sending me into panic mode. I walked out in the living room with a journal to write down everything I was feeling to talk this out with my therapist, I recently started to see one to deal with my issues. And he looked at me and said it my name "Erica" in a tone of voice that was suggesting I was making this a big deal. I told him to let me relax for a bit. I was freaking out too because right before then we had a long talk and about how I need to deal with these issues, not him. And he told me how much he loves me and doesn't want to be with anybody else. That he wants to be with me for a long time. Of course, after hearing that and seeing the picture, it sent a knife in my chest.

He called me over and threw his arms around and said there is nothing going on. He explained that they are just friends and people in his vet school class asked him all the time if they were dating but since they do spend time together studying and hanging out. He told me that I want you to look at me and be okay with this because this is a big deal to me.

Right now, everything runs together. I feel myself changing while going to therapy but I still feel the need to hold onto negative thoughts in a way to protect myself. I guess I need to be okay with being vulnerable and learn to trust someone. This whole situation is hard because when people tell me positive things: compliments, love, I feel devoid or have to question their demeanor. I would say this is probably relates back to my childhood with dad. He would show love by buying us things because he was so guilty.

I guess my question is it my instinct telling me something was off or my issues?
I don't want to ruin a relationship because of my problems but if it is not just me, maybe I should think twice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 4:10pm

Rica, to be honest I wouldn't be suspecting anything wrong if I were in your shoes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 11:52pm

Welcome to the board rica2007,


Seriously, you need to relax.