My relationship with my b/f.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
My relationship with my b/f.
14
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 11:20am

My b/f and I been together for a year and 3 months. I love him so much, but am wondering if he loves me alot too or if his love for me isn't as great. We go out to the movies, we go to the malls to walk around together, we buy each other lunch and dinners, we sleep together and ect, ect. He always disregards my opinions though. He never agrees with me on things. He makes it look like I'm in the wrong sometimes especially when were around other people. I don't know if he does it to be kool or what but ya. For example if me and him are hanging out with another friend and were trying to come to an agreement on something, he'll agree with the other person always and leave me out. Even when were watching tv. He'll agree with the other person on tv all the time. Alot of times he sticks up for people on tv who he doesn't even know. Whats up with that? The love is there that he shows me because I can tell because he said he wants to get a place with me, get married and have kids. But sometimes he says things to me that is weird and confuses me. I don't know if he knows what he's saying or what because sometimes when I ask him about it, he'll be like, I said that? Or say I don't remember saying that. The love is there for the most part, but parcially sometimes it isn't. I wonder if he'd be happier with another race than me because he's only dated white girls in the past. We're both black by the way. I'm not sure if his love for me is as great as mine. I also feel like if I needed him to be there for me if something got me mad or upset, he wouldn't be there. He wouldn't care. I don't know if this is true, but I feel it. Is there anyway I can find out? I'm thinking of lying and making up a story by telling him I had a bad dream about being raped. Just to see his reaction. I'll

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 10:04am

Hello everyone,


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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 11:59am

It's not a good idea to make up a lie about having a dream about being raped to see how he reacts, to see if he loves you. If you don't know if he loves you without that, there's a real problem here.


People can love each other and also say and do things that are upsetting. It's part of being in a relationship. When you're in a relationship, you need to openly and honestly communicate with one another when these kinds of things happen. Both parties need to listen and respect the other persons's feelings and then be able to make changes when hurtful things are going on.


It's not healthy for him to side with others all the time and diminish you in this way. He has to wake up and realize it when it's happening, you need to point it out right at that time, and deal with it in a straightforward way.


Everyone has patterns of behavior that may be disturbing or confusing or they are not aware of. Part of being in a relationship is helping the other person understand both themselves and you and make the changes that are needed.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 12:37pm
Ok, thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 2:12pm

Hello again,


I had an after-thought, you might be interested in a book called:

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