My relationship needs to be saved!!
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| Tue, 08-12-2008 - 3:32am |
I am going to keep this as neutral as i can, and stick solely to facts as much as i can, and hopefully there is someone who can help. I appreciate your reading this in advance.
I met my fiancee 4 years ago. He was 27 and i was 19. After a messy break up with the first true love i ever had- Trevor ( my fiancee) was so different- funny, compassionate, caring. Everything i was looking for. we hit it off almost immediately and things got very serious very quickly. within 6 months of meeting each other we were engaged, and 1 month after that i was pregnant. I was nowhere near ready for children and he told me that due to a medical problem he had as a child he was not able to have children, which was fine with me. Needless to say, we were stupid with birth control and i got pregnant.
We decided to keep the baby, feeling that there are worse things, no matter what happens with us, than a baby concieved out of love. I got excited, and by the time our daughter Rhianne was born i was so happy to be a family that all my othrer concerns were pushed aside.
In the meantime during my pregnancy, small character flaws started to appear in Trevor. He suddenly got angry whenever i went out with my friends. I do admit that some of the character choices i had in friends back then may have not been ideal, they treated me less than great and i let them walk all over me. Sooner or later, it got to be so much of a hassle explaining to him that i wanted to go out that i just gave up and started to stay home all the time. Also, he didn't want me seeing my family. He constantly talked down about them to me ( and i know they have their flaws, but it really put added stress on me) and he began to develop a temper. Since we we had signed a lease for 1 year with a friend of mine before we knew i was pregnant we were stuck with another person in the same place which, with a new baby, made things stressful. I told myself when we moved at the end of the lease things would get better, he wouldnt be so angry, he would change.

I want my relationship to work, i really do.
Why?
Sorry. I agree with americanjin. After your first mistake trusting him that he was 100% sterile and discovering that he wasn't, you should probably have learned from it but you just didn't. Don't you think that you have any responsibility to have children with someone who is going to be an active father for the rest of their lives, and someone who isn't going to pass on the Loser gene to his offspring? This was a bad decision you made twice and there's no excuse for that. Women are the ultimate gatekeepers of reproduction and family, and our choices are extremely important. I am ashamed that a man like this gets to become a father in return for (very feebly) tricking you. I'm sorry to say it but this post actually made me feel angry as a fellow woman.
He is a loser. If you want to redeem yourself as a mother and female, find someone better to raise your children with you. There are a lot of men out there who would make wonderful partners and fathers, and honestly... This guy in Texas who wants an engaged woman to send him pictures of her in her underwear is unlikely to be one of them. Leave your dead-end relationship, take some serious time to reevaluate yourself and the traits you want in a partner, and then when you are ready... Look for someone who has a lot of value as a companion and potential father, and stick to your convictions. Your children deserve a better male role model and you deserve someone who can offer you a loving and supportive relationship - a man who doesn't have to change his personality in order to be GOOD for you! I do hope you find better, I am convinced that you will but you have to be willing to let these guys go.
I apologize for the harsh words, I feel strongly about this and I really want you to make a good life for yourself with someone who deserves you.
Welcome to the board alice_85,
It's always sad to me when someone is in an abusive, controlling relationship and they can't see it.
Please see a counselor ASAP one with experience with abuse.
Recognizing & Dealing w/ Domestic Abuse
Hi alice_85,
Has anything changed or been resolved? I've been thinking about you.