Is my relationship normal?
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| Fri, 08-03-2007 - 5:22pm |
Hi, I am new to this board (I think). I wanted advice as to whether or not what I am going through is normal, or should I be worried?
My husband and I have been married almost 4 years, and while we were always different from each other, our differences have started to concern me. He is very outgoing and social (needs to be constantly entertained); I am reserved, not social at all and a homebody. He likes lots of sex; I am not sure if I like sex at all (BTW, I wasn't too averse to it when we were dating - it never seemed like a problem). He likes to travel constantly; I like to stay home. I converted to his religion to get married, but I am just not that "into" religion; he loves his religion. When he is away, I don't miss him that much. I am happy to see him when he gets back, but I am perfectly fine by myself. I like to do alot of alone-type activities, like reading or needlework.
While this all seems terrible, sometimes it actually works. He goes out with his friends and I stay home and get some alone time. So we don't get on each other's nerves because we are constantly together!
The sex part is bad, though, but I am trying to work through it (with self-help books, and also I am having some "female problems" now that I hope will go away when I am better). But right now I just don't want to have sex at all. And it really isn't him; I don't want to have sex with ANYBODY. I don't like the mess and the sweating, and I don't like to see myself naked because I am 20 lbs overweight (he says it doesn't matter to him how much I weigh; which I find hard to believe).
Another thing to consider is I take anti-depressants. I was taking them well before I met him, so I don't think it has anything to do with my lack of sex drive. But I do tend toward depression in general.
Is this a part of marriage that is "normal"? Do a lot of people go through these kinds of things and just work through them? I am depressed about this.
thanks!
Pam

I think it's less important that your relationship is "normal" than it is to have a relationship that works for you. If you and your husband are happy with the way things are, then who is anyone else to tell you that it's wrong? As for the sex thing, yes it is still possible for antidepressants to be interfering with your sex drive... Talk to a medical professional about that. For instance, a lot of women have trouble with a low libido on Paxil so some switch to Welbutrin.
Many women are more than 20lbs overweight and still very attractive, but if you find this is affecting you then you'll feel better about yourself by creating a workout and nutrition regimen.
It's normal to be an independent person. Sometimes when my guy is away for a weekend or so, I feel a little relieved that I get some alone time or girl-time.