My Son and His Wife Offered me the ultim

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
My Son and His Wife Offered me the ultim
19
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 12:34am
After being a widow for 11 years I began dating again for the first time and fell in love with and became engaged to a wonderful guy. Upon learning of our engagement my son who is 32 yrs. old, married with 3 kids became very angry and said that my fiancee should've asked him before proposing. I disagree...he is not my father and I am a 59 year old who is capable of making my decisions. My daughter in law phoned and gave me the ultimatum of either my fiancee OR them, my family. This was 1/5/04 and I haven't heard from them since. I told them that I was not going to give up my happiness just because they are so greedy that they don't want anyone to have anything I have, as if I was rich to start out with....NOT!! What should I do?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 3:57am
what? that is weird, does your son know the man? this makes no sense, you are a grown woman and can do what ever you want. GOOD LUCK!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 6:44am
Someone wrote a letter like this to Dear Abby once but it was a man instead of a woman. Your son sounds selfish. Forget him and live your life the way you want to! Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 8:50am
Thank you for your response. I am glad that you agree with me. I feel that I have waited more than long enough since my son's father's death to try to find happiness. I cannot forfeit my happiness for what I feel is a selfish, childish demand on my son & daughter-in-law's part. The bad side.....I don't get to see my grandkids, all who are under 8 years of age. I hope they remember me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 8:53am
Thank you for yoiur response. I wanted to be certain that I was not being the "bad guy" in all this, although from anyone I've talked to they feel his reaction in expecting to be asked to marry his mother is inappropriate and silly (and so do I).
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 9:26am
What else is going on here? I agree that your son is out of line but I get the feeling there is more to the story. What would your son say if he were to post here? Does he feel that you are disrespecting his father?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 5:12pm
How UNREASONALBE and SELFISH your son and his wife are..... not sure what you can do to heal this. Maybe writing them a letter - It's sad that we don't see eye-to-eye on this issue. If you were my father, my fiance would have asked your permission. I'm sure you are trying to protect me and be involved in my life. But as your mother and an adult this is my life to life. I deserve happiness too. I'm sorry you have decided that you are unwilling to get to know him and be a part of my life.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 5:14pm
how very sad that your son chose to be selfish instead of being happy for his mother. Your daughter in law needs to mind her own business.

I would send the grandkids birthday presents and cards, and attempt to keep in contact with them. hopefully your son and his wife will come around.

Do you have any idea why they might behave so irrationally?

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 11:55am
My husband was deceased for 11 years before I even entered into this relationship....so, I don't think my son feels I am being disrespectful, but he's been the "MAN" all those years, iin spite of the fact that he has been married for nearly 8 of those years! He does not live with me, and in fact lives nearly 2 hrs. away and I don't see much of him, perhaps one time every 2-3 months. I don't know what more you think there is, but I can tell you, there's nothing, except control and wanting to be sure he has it all when I pass away. Somehow, he feels he is entitled to AL and his wife encourages that feeling. I have been with my finacee for 2 years in May, and if I don't know him by now, I never will. The reason my son and daughter in law don't know him is because they won't allow themselves to. I am certain it isn't about my not respecting his father's memory, but it IS about the fact that they never gave my fiancee a chance.....they liked him at first until we became romantically involved, then they shyed away. Even alluded to the fact that he may violate my granddaughter, who is 5 or my 8 year old grandson...expressed that to the children and they of course, told me...."out of the mouths of babes" you know. Thank you. I hope to hear from you again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 12:01pm
Although I wrote to my son, you have mentioned a couple of good points and I thank you for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 12:04pm
Thank you for your response. I feel they are selfish and like you, that my daughter in law should mind her own business. Thanks for the encouragement regarding the grandkids...I miss them terribly. The only reason I know of is greed...afraid that "my kingdon" as he perceives it won't be his when I pass away and doesn't want to share it, since he's my only child.

Pages