My son's need for my attention
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My son's need for my attention
| Fri, 06-11-2004 - 9:51am |
I've been living with my boyfriend for a few monthes now. I have a 3 1/2 year old son that I have custody of except every other weekend. Whenever my boyfriend and I want to talk or just be lightly affectionate, my son constantly interrupts us no matter what we say. My son gets plenty of our atttention. It gets very frustrating at times and I just don't know how to deal with it. Any suggestions?
Edited 6/11/2004 10:01 am ET ET by jenny5rn
Edited 6/11/2004 10:01 am ET ET by jenny5rn

hi there. i think before anything else, you need to remember that your son is 3.5. its not easy for him - things are scary and he doesn't have the tools to "deal" with it. he is shuttled between two homes, and now there is a 'new' situation to deal with.
this doesn't mean that YOU shouldn't move on with YOUR life. but it does mean that you need to be undertanding of your son - HE is your first priority NOW. I would suggest you speak to a children's psycologist to get some specific help with this. and of course - *you* (and not your BF) need to set guidelines for your son about "proper" behavior (not interrupting, etc), in ALL social situations.
one more thing - and this is ME - *I* would not move in with a guy
But I think you should always put your child first b/c he is too young to understand what is happening or deal with it in an appropriate way without guidance. Your bf should understand that and support you in it, if he is a good, mature man. It's tough for a single parent to date and handle those things, but I found it easier to keep my dating life separate from my home life. I thought it was important to do that for the sake of my children. They wouldn't have benefited from men coming and going, and in fact, my daughter just said to me the other day (she's 11 now) that she's glad I didn't date a lot of different guys after the divorce. I did, she just never knew about it and still doesn't. I was so glad when she said that -- I knew I'd done the right thing in shielding them from that aspect of my adult life. Only after I'd dated my husband for awhile and knew it was going in a serious direction did I introduce my kids to him. He is the only man I ever introduced to my children of all the men I dated between my divorce and my remarriage to him. It wasn't easy, but now I feel it was so worth it. Good luck.
I think you need to put your expectations in better order for your 3.5 year old. He needs your attention because he needs your attention. And the more you try to deny him of that the more he will try to get it. You will end up being very sorry later if you do not meet his needs now.
I understand that it is hard on you because you want to be with your boyfriend. But you have to put your priorities in order. Your son will only be little once and you only have one shot at doing mommyhood right. He depends on you and needs the nurturing and attachment with you.
Maybe it is a good idea for you and your boyfriend to attend family counseling. If your boyfriend is supportive that is great and if he is not he needs to go. I don't agree living together before marriage but that is your call.