My Story * long*

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
My Story * long*
1
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 4:13pm

Last weekend things came to a head with me and my now ex boyfriend of nearly 3 years.

For most of that time for all but 4 months I have lived with him, I went from living with an ex husband, to rehab, then to a roommate, but since I was never there it made more since for me to move in with him.

Things for the most part was great, we trusted each other and had hopes and dreams for our future. But I had to continue to lie to him about things like finding a job and going back to school. I lied to him about the relationship between my ex and me ( we have a child togather ). When I told him last weekend what my ex was doing to me he gave me the choice to I had to decide if I could do the things in my life that I needed to do. The next day I called him and broke up with him, telling him I didn't think I could do the things I needed to do. I now realise what a mistake that was.

I always thought he would be there, and now he is not. And I let myself depend on him for everything, and that was not fair to him. I had 3 jobs since we have been togather and all of those jobs ended in a few months. I have promised that I would go back to school for well over a year now. I never kept that promise to him. I lied by ommission and finally told him that my ex raped me, and that he was stealing money from me.

I have taken actions towards getting things better. I have told my ex in no uncertain terms that I will not hesistate to call the police on him if he ever got in my face or I felt threaten. I am starting Fall classes at the end of August, and while I don't have a job at the moment I am looking.

The ex boyfriend is helping as far as making sure the rent is paid until Oct. Paying for the first semister of classes, and has given me money to live on while I get back on my feet. I know that he cares about me and still loves me, he needs to be able to see that I can do this before he starts trusting me again. He isn't even ready to discuss the relationship at all, he says he can be a friend and that is it.

And while I got him to agree last night that we both hoped that we would be back togather in a year, we are still planning on the worst. I want so badly to talk to him about it all, but I know he can't yet and I don't understand how he can push aside everything he has felt for me. While today we had a nice conversation while he helped with my resume, and stupid me goes ahead and tells him: I know what I need to do, and its going to be hard and that I hope I can do it. I went to say that I know it will get easier once I get settled with a job and school. He said he didn't mind me saying those things and that he was still my friend.

Right now, my head is telling me what to do and its the right thing. But my heart is screaming out to call him and beg him again to take you back. I need help to stop myself from doing that.

I just want more security in my future then I have right now, and I want to know how long is it going to take him to see that I can do these things and while they may be hard for me that I am still doing them. I just want security enough to know that we will get back togather. and I just can't have that right now. and I am so lost without it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: ee2000
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 1:51pm
Please get help from a counselor and financial aid at school. Your ex is right. There is so much that you need to do for yourself before you can have a healthy relationship. Good luck.