My Story...My Struggle
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| Thu, 03-08-2007 - 3:38pm |
Here it goes....
I have posted here before and have found it hard to find time to return. But my situation is not improving so here I am again and in desperate need of some support.
My DH is verbally abusive and had escalated to the point I felt it would permanetely affect our children 6yr and 2yr. Last fall I took the kids and left him. He said he would go to counseling if we came back and we have been in counseling ever since. When I first saw a differnt counselor she suggested he is narsasitic, which everything I have read about and talked to other people suggests he is. He is not yelling at me but still badgers me if I do not agree with him or if I do not like what he says. Eve though I know this anger comes from shame and fear deep inside it is still hard to live with. I do not feel love for the person I once thought I married. Yet I do not feel divorce is an option. I am taking it a day at time but I am getting weary of walking on eggshells and not having a spouse I can be friends with. It is very lonely and I am sure the kids feel it from me as well. The counseling is moving very slow and my dh feels that because he does not 'yell' at me that he is cured and I am the one with very large and scary emotional problems that continue to sabatage our relationship.
I need to find a place where I can get support and get my sense of well being back outside of this marriage.
Any advice is appreciated,
Thank you!

Can I ask why divorce is not an option?
It's just that his current behaviour will effect the kids badly too. It's not just blatant abuse that screws with children's minds. It's only a matter of time before the kids learn that they too have to walk on eggshells around him. Is this what you want for them?
Imagine him trying to deal with a wilfull teenager who disagrees with him....
Hi memphis - you were strong enough to leave once to protect your children, what's changed?
Here's your old posts to consider:
Now What
Reading too much into a childs words?
How long to I stay here?
Have you considering going to individual cousneling as well as the marriage counseling. It would give you a safe place to vent.
After reading the post about what your daughter said, it seems like your children would be okay with you getting a divorce and may actually prefer that. Children would much rather come from a broken home than be in one. You have to think about what would be best for you and your children.
Are you okay with living this way for the rest of your life?
glitter-graphics.com
Thank you everyone for all your replies...
I am going to my own counselor and she is a good support and helped the first time I left. And I think everyone is right about his behavior it is just so hard and divorce would get so unbelievably ugly and I think he would go off the deep end. I know that he is not my responsibilty but I still think of the kids either way.
Please keep me from thinking I am the crazy one here because I am starting to believe I am.
Thanks!
Hi there,
Wow... I came here to post my situation, and your post was the first I read, and I instantly felt familiar with your situation. I know its hard to get back here to post, but know that youre not alone...we;re all here to help!
Im living with a verbally abusive husband as well. In fact, I only acknowledged it as abuse in the past few months. I just always thought to myself that that was the way he was, so be it. But what ive come to realize since then is that old cliche, but life is too short to live this miserably. My situation differs from yours, but dont waste the few precious years you have on this earth living it afraid and alone. Its the strangest thing feeling so alone in a marriage, Im living that same way now. Its such a huge decision and burden to think about truly changing your life. Its scary as hell. Yes, you could survive like this for years. But life is about more than survival, its about living. And you cant live when your always on eggshells living in fear.
I know my husband beats me down mentally to make himself feel better. It ofcourse has scared the crap out of me and whether or not I could make it in this world without him. Day by Day im learning more and more to be myself again. I lost so much of myself over the past few years. Im in the beginning stages of figuring out what I need to do (which is why I came to post), but you have to be truly honest with yourself, brutally honest. And brave. It all takes time...but dont waste too much of it. I dont want to regret not allowing myself to be safe and happy. Hang in there, we're all here for you!
-Izzo2
Thank you so much for words of support.
Here is the big pressing issue. I am too afraid to leave and too afraid to stay.....
Divorce would be so ugly for the children. His parents spend a lot of time with the children and they could get very ugly too. Also, I would be taking away his support which is my family because he does not get along with his parents and by doing that I am afraid of how deseperate he might get. On the other hand if I stay each day I loose myself a little more and no matter what I do it doesn't seem to come back. I am staring to become moody and sad alot.
memphis01