Is my wife hopelessly insensitive?
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Is my wife hopelessly insensitive?
| Tue, 03-30-2004 - 4:09pm |
My wife's recreational hobby is volleyball. She now plays twice per week and meets with her team for social outings once or twice per month. She goes to volleyball with an unmarried man 10 years younger than her. I am not only not invited, I am excluded from all gatherings. When I asked to substitute on one of her teams she said, "We've had teams for years, so you'll have to be on the bottom of the list." When I said I'd like to join her new team, she said,"Get your own team.". I then stated that I knew her "boyfriend" would always be on all of those teams, she just said that they always play together, that nothing ever happens and that it is too bad. I then stated that she has made a point of never having her "best friend" ever observe us in a social situation where we were husband and wife she answered-and this is really incredible-"Oh, I see this is some male marking issue. You want to piss on me to show that you own me!"
My question is: Is my wife perhaps the biggest A-hole to walk the face of the earth?
My question is: Is my wife perhaps the biggest A-hole to walk the face of the earth?

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Most men would feel uncomfortable to say the least with being treated this way. Her behavior is offensive and certainly dismissive of you. She accuses you of pissing on her, but that is what she is doing to you. It is clear that you are not feeling or being respected in this matter. It is fine for a spouse to have a separate activity, interest and even friends apart from the marriage. That can be healthy. Each person needs time on their own and a sense of themselves. However, her way of managing this and speaking to you about it is destructive. Coupled with the fact that she has this close relationship with that younger man, she does have a responsibility to make you feel cared for and secure about what is going on. It would be perfectly appropriate for her to include you at certain times and still keep a sense of her boundaries. What you are feeling is that she has a fantasy relationship with this younger man. If he saw the two of you together it would break into that. What is needed here is open, clear, respectful communication between the two of you. No good marriage is based upon a foundation where one partner feels dismissed.
All good wishes.
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Coolas
I think it's either one of two things. They may be a little out there, but I have a hunch.
A) she's seeing this "friend" of hers from her volleyball team or
B) she's a lesbian
Now, before you all go criticizing me on the lesbian comment, it's NOT because she plays volleyball. It's the fact that she doesn't include her husband in any of the events and seems very reluctant to have him even close to these people. They know something about her that he doesn't, which is why she doesn't want them around each other and why I came up with those two possible scenarios. Neither could be true. Maybe she just needs time away from him...
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