My x is engaged & we're having sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
My x is engaged & we're having sex
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Sun, 05-20-2007 - 12:42pm
I dated my x for 2months,we broke up b/c of my x-best friend.They have been together for 4yrs now & he proposed to her during their 2nd yr.9 months ago we started talking & 1night he just grabbed me kissed me we didnt have sex that night but that followed a few days later.At the time i was in a 3yr relationship.My exact words to him that night were"you know your cheating right?"& his answer"you are 2."I told him I didnt want him to marry her & i want to be with him.I broke off my 3yr relationship b/c i didnt want to live with the fact that i would be cheating on my boyf,my relationship also had its problems and although i love the guy the feelings i have for my x far surpass.My friends have told me he's not gonna leave her & im being used. When i finally questioned this 6months into our affair he answered that he wanted something fun,like no strings attached but that its different with me.From the 1st night we started i wanted to tell him I loved him but still continue to hold off telling him so b/c i dont want him to say we cant do this anymore but at the same time feel like he wants to say it too.What can i do to make him leave her?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 12:06am

I am actually posting because one of the responses to your question was so funny and so right. The lady basically said go for what you want, take him when he's down and a bunch of other true stuff like he's a cheater so it's not going to work with him and your ex friend anyways. I haven't read through all the responses (though I will and I hope you get this one as it's a little late) but I imagine you'll get a lot of 'oh you deserve better' (which you do, eveyone who is NOT like this guy does)but you're not in the state of mind ot hear that.

If you hang in there with him , and you do have power to break them up, of course by telling, you will have your chance. No need to tell her what's going on, it would possibly drive him away (at least temporarily) if you did. She'll catch on sooner or later as he is not going to change his cheating ways, probably ever. The longer you hang in there, the more feelings he will have for you. (Attachment , not really respect.) And when he is "single" again (and if they marry, this could take years.) you'll have your shot. Though you may not want it by then.

If you stop seeing him at any point, because of his ego, he will chase you-especially when she dumps this looser, I wish you were in a position mentally to save your self some time and do the same. But since you're not, just don't tell him you love him. You do that anyways with your actions. A man like him cannot usually handle that being put into words. Wait for him to say it to you and if you hang in there long enough, he will. He'll probably be saying it just to try to manipulate you , but you'll hear it just the same.

And yes, I speak from experience. I went through this from the age of 15 until about 24 and now I'll be 34 this month and my ex stills calls here and there (Im married) to try to hook up!

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 1:04pm

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This is a bunch of hooey. He keeps this thing going because he can.

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Nope. Not true. He's not cheating because he's not happy with what he has. He's cheating because his values and morals (or lack thereof) allow him to justify his bad behavior. He comes to you because you willingly have sex with him and you make no demands on him. Tell him he has to choose, and I guarantee it'll be her, not you. Because if he DID want to be with you, he would be.

One last thing - he's CHEATING on a woman with whom he intends to share his life. He's a liar (they go hand in hand). If he does it WITH you, he'll do it TO you.

So if you win, here's your prize - a guy who will lie to you and cheat on you too. Fool yourself all you want that you're 'different' and that he would 'never do that to you'. But the bottom line is that if this guy can justify cheating once, he can justify it again, and you'll never know where the boundaries lie.

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