naked photos
Find a Conversation
naked photos
| Mon, 07-23-2007 - 6:49am |
I am at a point in my relationship where I now have a drawer at my boyfriends to keep my stuff. The problem is he told me the wrong drawer. When I went to get something, much to my surprise I found very explicit naked photo of old girlfrineds along with many porn magazines. He said he forgot he had them. I am having a very hard time even looking at him right now. Am I over reacting?

Pages
Welcome to the board wieredout,
It's really hard when someone falls off their pedestal (that we put them on).
Yes, he did get rid of them only because he got caught, I asked him if he had not gotten caught would he want to part with these things, he said no. I am having a such a hard time with this since he knew all along how I felt about this stuff. I have my reasons for detesting this stuff so much, and I am not a prude it's just not me. Saying he didn't know he had the pitures of the ex-girlfriends. I find hard to believe. I asked him how he got the magazines and he would go purchase them in hopes I would not find out. I am truly trying to get over this but it is all I see when I think or see him. I am thinking of just getting away for the weekend to sort this out!
thank you
I would feel a little uncomfortable in this situation as well. During the times you told him that you didn't like this sort of thing, why didn't he speak up? In some ways, its lying by omission and now you are wondering if you can trust him. What else has he convienently "forgotten" about? I discovered my DH putting massive amounts of porn on our work computer at home about a week after he moved in. It freaked me out bc he had told me he wasn't into that stuff (which I felt was lying) and also bc we took a huge step in our r/ship that I might have delayed had I discovered this. Only you know if its a deal breaker for you or not. The fact that he has gotten rid of the photographs is good sign - but like you, I'd have difficulty w/someone who would take them & keep them in the first place. Either you feel its worth it to work through (and EVERY r/ship will have things you will eventually have to work through - some areas are workable for us and some aren't - only you can decide if this is one for you). I am happy to say that I worked through this with my now DH...but he did get professional help as well. It wasn't porn addiction for him - it was just a bad habit. But there are ppl who have serious problems with this stuff and keeping an eye on him would be a good idea!
Good luck,
Dee
We have been together for 5 years. It could be the lie and him pretending to dislike as much as me.(It brings back so many memories of what I endured as a child that it makes me sick to my stomach. which I truly do not want to get into.)Although he does not the full extent of what happened to me in my childhood,He knew my dislike for porn, maybe if he had been honest I would not be so hurt, and also the lack of trust on his part to keep it a secret from me. I do find intmacy difficult right now, more so because of the pictures of the ex's. ( I truly know more about them than I ever wanted to know lol). I drift off to wondering who he is thinking about me or them.
Thank you for your response
Hi again,
::It brings back so many memories of what I endured as a child that it makes me sick to my stomach. which I truly do not want to get into.)
This will sound weird, but hopefully, it will help.... maybe you drew him into your life to give you the push to deal with your childhood memories?
I can't say I blame you for taking time out to sort through it especailly since he made the comment that he didn't really want to give them up (that was your first post, I hope I'm remembering correctly) that tells me that what you found is part of his life and who he is, you may find the problem will repeat itself if you stay in the relationship.
Good luck on
I took a weekend to myself to think, I made a time to talk with him and ask many questions. He has told me that part of his life is over because it cost him everthing. I am still a little indifferent but am working on that. I have asked him if the need for him to revisit this stuff comes back to at least talk to me and let me know. So, I will give this one more chance.
Thank you
Well, it's certainly not pleasant to find old, naked phtos of ex girlfriend around. You would hope he'd put that away by now. And the porn, it depends upon whether or not it's a problem for him, whether it's interfering with your relationship and what part it plays in his life. Just having the photos does not mean that he's cheating. And just having some porn magazines around does not mean he's addicted or that he's a bad person. Sit down and talk it all over with him. Find out what he says. Ask him to get rid of his old girlfriend's pictures. See how he responds to it all. I wouldn't let this break up what was otherwise a good relationship. Everyone has their past and is entitled to have it. As long as it doesn't intrude on your relationship now, don't make such a big deal of it.
Best wishes,
Save Your Relationship: The 21 Basic Laws Of Successful Relationships
Change The Way Women Think About Men and Find Out What Men Really Think About Relationships
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Pages