Need Advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2011
Need Advice!
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 2:03pm

Ok here it goes:  I went thru a divorce a year ago.  I dated a rebound that when it was over I was left broken hearted.  It forced me to deal with my pain.  I started to date again last April.  No relationships just dates.  Then in June I started seeing a guy for a few weeks.  I broke it off when I found out he was hooking up with another girl.  I went on a couple dates with another guy and just didn’t feel the connection.  I decided I was done dating and needed to focus on me.  I was finally at a point where I was enjoying the single life.  Then I met this great guy.  We connected.  We can talk on the phone for 8 hours at a time.  He lives an hour and a half away.  Oct. 1st I will be moving to a town only 40 mins away from him.    

I have never felt this way about anyone except my ex husband.  We divorced because his brother committed suicide and he became angry at the world and took it out on me.  He refused to get help. 

What I need advice on is how do two people who have an amazing connection but need to work on themselves make it work?  We talk about how walking away and working on ourselves is best but we also know that our connection is special and know losing each other would be a big mistake.

He has 3 kids I have none.  We don’t know how to balance everything out.  He needs to put his kids and himself first.  He’s in a custody battle with his ex-wife.   I just sold my house and I am starting my own company.   We are a great support for each other and I know we have had a huge impact on each other’s lives for the better.  I am falling in love with him and vis versa.  

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 2:09pm
I hope you are not moving to this new town to be closer to him. You have only know him a few months. I sort of question if you have given yourself enough time after your divorce to really start to jump into something serious. I am thinking if even you feel you need to work on yourself, if it might be better to take it slow with the new guy, keep dating, nothing serious yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 3:35pm

I'm curious, how did you meet this guy, have you only spoken do him over the phone or have you actually met him?  I too hope you are not moving just to be closer to this guy.  Why not just continue your relationship with yourself?  You seem to be on a great track, why the need to enter into a relationship (especily one with what could be some potential for problems)?  He sounds like he needs to get things settled in his life as well, a custody battle can be brutal to all involved.  You've only been divorced a year, and you've had rebound relationships one after the other, why not take a solid year and just focus on your work, friends, and family?  You've only known this guy for a short period of time and are still in the honeymoon phase, if you want to get to know him better that's fine, you could always just take things *really* slow.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein