Need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Need advice
2
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 7:05pm
Recently a friend of mine ended a relationship with me because he said he felt it was inappropriate. Keep in mind that he is younger than me. He said that he didn't think I was capable of being just friends with him and that because of this he no longer could be my friend. In the beginning of our friendship, I did entertain the possibility of their being more, but once I realized how strongly he felt about not being in a dating relationship with anyone, I realized there would never be more, but did need time to deal with my feelings. I may have wanted more, at least at one time, but I certainly never would have let that get in the way of our friendship, because I really did value it more than anything. I have asked him if this is a permanent situation and he says he can't tell me at this point because he's not sure. He says I can still talk to him if I want, but he makes no effort towards me, even though he claims he still cares. But if he still cares so much, then why aren't we friends still?

The matter was slightly more complicated because his mother is also a very good friend of mine, and a co-worker. Now that he has ended our friendship, I'm obviously going through a tough time and she's been witness to all of this. I have not uttered one bad word about him since this has ended because honestly, I don't have one to say. And according to her, he has not a bad word to say about me. But I can't help thinking that if he really didn't think anything bad, he would have had no reason to end our friendship.

I think my real question is, how do I not lose my friendship with his mother, especially if I get to the stage where I am angry that he has made this choice (instead of talking to me about how he felt about things? And, how do I stop caring about him? I'm stuck with the fact that she is his mother and I will still be forced to see him for the next few years (since we're both still in college at the same school). Any suggestions on how I deal with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: rissa50
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 1:45am
My guess is that it's no longer convenient for him to see you, however sad that may be! If you try to keep in contact with him (calling/emailing...) you will push him away. Leave him alone for a bit and if he truly considers you a friend he will not let your friendship die!

Good luck, though it's hard to have friends of the opposite sex especially while in a relationship I think it's good thing for strong people.

Brent

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: rissa50
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 12:24am
Thanks for your comments, they were helpful.

Anyone else want to chime in???? I'd love to hear what anyone else thinks.