Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Need Advice
2
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 10:48am
I am a 33 year old graduate student graduating in May. I have been dating someone very special for 5 months and we have spent a great deal of time together. We are both graduating in May. I am looking for a job and am in a difficult industry. I will have to take a position where offered most likely. We have discussed what we are going to do and have come to the brink of breaking up but she has expressed that we should just take it as it comes. I have felt great about our relationship until we began talking about this situation. I have been overcome with anxiety about my job prospects, our relationship and the future. So much so that I fear it will affect how we are together. I don't know how to stop all of these thoughts and anxious feelings. Please help.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: maxmus70
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 1:04pm

The prospect of change can be very unsettling, particularly where it applies to a relationship that you are in. You are facing possible physical separation, in the event that you work in a place where she cannot come. Most likely you see this as doing damage to the relationship. If that does happen, if you both go into a long distance relationship, it will certainly affect the nature of things. Your partner is right - wait and see what happens. See where you get work. Perhaps you will be fortunate and able to still be close enough together. Perhaps this fear and worry will be unnecessary after all. In case you do have to work somewhere else - then the question arises of how much you mean to one another - whether she might be willing to choose a job in your area if possible? These are all questions that need to be handled slowly and calmly, one at a time.


What is boils down to ultimately is a question of priorities. Is this relationship truly important to both of you? If it is, if you both want to keep it going, you will both find a way. One or another of you may have to decide to build a life or get work close to where the other one is. If this turns into a long distance relationship for awhile, and you still miss and care for one another, then that can also be a good test, and new plans and arrangements for living situations can be made. You must have trust in yourself, each other and the situation. Take it one step at a time, and see how things go.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
In reply to: maxmus70
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 5:04pm
This may seem strange, but do you believe in God? Are you very spiritual? Because praying may help you out a lot. It helps me so much when I'm anxious or confused, to know that someone else is handling it better than I can. Journaling is a good way to do it, because you get all your thoughts in front of you clearly. Hope this helps!