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| Tue, 12-30-2003 - 2:50pm |
I was dating a guy for about a year and two months. We were planning to get married and we had a lot of problems. Finally we broke up and he cancels all our plans. After a month later he want to work things out but I am not sure if I should give him another chance or let it go. This is how it happens. I didn’t tell him my real age, I told him, I was 30 but I was 33. We both come from same culture where every one is in your business and people gossip a lot. Also, I do drink occasionally and he doesn’t which cause us conflict because he wants me to quick and I told him, he needs to accept me as I am. Third, he listens to his family about everything.
After seven months of dating, he told me, he wants me to meet his family and we did. After, his family started asking people about me and the people lied about my age saying I was around 37 and no one is sure. Well, I finally told him the truth but he didn’t belief me but he believed those people. I didn’t blame him by not trusting me but he started to ask more people about me and people lied more about other things. We started to have fights and mistrust. So I told him, if he didn’t trust me than maybe we should move on with our lives.
He didn’t want to break up an he didn’t want to move on with the wedding plans, finally he listen to his family and he cancels everything, I was very hurt and depressed for while and now I am getting better and I don’t know if I want to go through the same thing. His family will be still there and people will still talk. He listen those people before more than me and I am not sure if I can trust him again
We started talking last week and we understood the mistakes that we both made and he wants us to start dating again but I want to get married and he saying we need to see were it would take us. I don’t want to waste my time anymore and I love him very much and I don’t want to lose him again. What should do?

I think lying about your age was kind of childish, but it really was not a big deal, and he should not make such a big fuss about it. This being said, given all the communications problems you have been having, he may be right that you need some time to see how things go. Think about it: he 'said' he sees his mistakes now, but how do you know this is not happening again? How do you know that he will trust you instead of other people badmouthing you? And it would be a lot worse if you got married and found out that all of your problems are still there.
You may or may not want to give him a second chance. But if you do, you should step back for a while. Set a deadline for resuming wedding plans (make sure you do that: I am currently in a big row with my BF about this topic). If by that time things are going well, then go order the wedding cake! But if they don't you'd better cut your losses...
Good luck!