Need advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2012
Need advice!
6
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 9:21pm

I have an issue where I think that I am in love with my male co-worker one day I jut woke up with all these feelings for him not sure where they came from as I never had thought about him or even noticed him. I started chating with him a few weeks ago but, they are usualy short converstations. Just recently at a Christmas party he kept looking over at me when he was with his wife. I was talking to my female co-worker at the time and her boyfriend having a good time. She noticed that he kept looking over our way and said that he must be shy to come over to talk. I didn't know what to do because he was there with his wife and having all all of these feelings for him. During the dinner I couldn't help but to look over and caught him looking at me while drinking his beer. I was thinking maybe he was still to shy to come over to talk so, eventually I made my way over. We have a good very quick converstation he introced me to his wife and I was quickly cut off by the speaker. So, I ran back to my seat. I made my way over one more time to see if they were coming to dance he spoke for the both of them that they were thinking about it. So, the rest of the night I just had a good time. I catch them leaving by the elevator but, didn't say anything nor did they notice. They we talking no PDA. My female co-worker mentioned that they didn't really seem together. I'm not sure. Since then we just said "hey" but, that's a bout it. He walked by the office one and caught him looking at me from the corner of his eye.

I just don't know what to do at this point. I want to tell him how I feel as it's driving me crazy but, I don't want to tell him too soon and have him say that he doesn't have feelings for me. I feel that I should just keep waiting at the next meeting to see if he looks at me again. Should I tell him how I feel or just try to get over these feelings that I don't know where they came from? It not the end of the world if he doesn't feel the same way just not sure why my heart would start something?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Tue, 12-25-2012 - 5:44pm

I agree with the rest.

Let me ask you this.  IF you did get together and IF there was a future Christmas party where he was YOUR husband, how would you feel if some woman did the same as you are contemplating now?

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 12-25-2012 - 3:33pm

You mentioned you need advice?

I agree with others, he is a "married man".  That is what matters!  There are other men out there who are single and available.  My opinion is also to let him be, if you want to date, seek someone who is not already with someone else.  I feel that he is off limits to you and if you persue him, someone will likely get hurt!!

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 12-25-2012 - 2:47am

What do you DO?  You do nothing, that's what you do.  You said he's married, so he's off limits, period.  Don't do what you are wanting to do.  Do the right thing instead.  Leave him and his wife alone and find somebody who isn't married.  Or would you rather hurt his wife?  It's a choice, I hope you make the right one. 

 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 12-24-2012 - 9:18pm

  This is easy to ascertain.  What do you mean by feelings?  Do you mean I'm in love or I'm in lust?  Or could you be confusing the feelings?  If you are feeling, I'm in love forgettaboutit.  If you just want to bone a "safe" male then think are you really sophisticated enough?

    Let me tell you a little story:  In the time of steamships as the only way to travel the Atlantic. On such a trip a young American man met a English Lady.  The lady sought some diversion and bedded the Young American.  Later at a social event the Young American saw The Lady and went to speak to her.  She answered in a haughty voice "have we been introduced"?  The young American answered in anger," we boned on the ship"!  The Lady replied," why do you think that constitutes an introduction"?  She then turn to her group and continued her conversation. 

   

dragowoman

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Mon, 12-24-2012 - 4:45pm

sb2011 wrote:
<p>I have an issue where I think that I am in love with my male co-worker one day I jut woke up with all these feelings for him not sure where they came from as I never had thought about him or even noticed him. I started chating with him a few weeks ago but, they are usualy short converstations. Just recently at a Christmas party he kept looking over at me when he was with his wife. I was talking to my female co-worker at the time and her boyfriend having a good time. She noticed that he kept looking over our way and said that he must be shy to come over to talk. I didn't know what to do because he was there with his wife and having all all of these feelings for him. During the dinner I couldn't help but to look over and caught him looking at me while drinking his beer. I was thinking maybe he was still to shy to come over to talk so, eventually I made my way over. We have a good very quick converstation he introced me to his wife and I was quickly cut off by the speaker. So, I ran back to my seat. I made my way over one more time to see if they were coming to dance he spoke for the both of them that they were thinking about it. So, the rest of the night I just had a good time. I catch them leaving by the elevator but, didn't say anything nor did they notice. They we talking no PDA. My female co-worker mentioned that they didn't really seem together. I'm not sure. Since then we just said "hey" but, that's a bout it. He walked by the office one and caught him looking at me from the corner of his eye.</p><p>I just don't know what to do at this point. I want to tell him how I feel as it's driving me crazy but, I don't want to tell him too soon and have him say that he doesn't have feelings for me. I feel that I should just keep waiting at the next meeting to see if he looks at me again. Should I tell him how I feel or just try to get over these feelings that I don't know where they came from? It not the end of the world if he doesn't feel the same way just not sure why my heart would start something? </p>

Say nothing to him. He is married.  Your friend cannot divine anything about the state of his marriage from one night at one party and she'd been drinking.

You need to get over your feelings for that man.  In fact, put yourself in his wife's shoes: would you appreciate someone like you saying what you've written above to your husband?  I don't think so. She doesn't deserve that kind of disrespect from you or him. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 12-24-2012 - 3:54am

All you need to know is that he's A MARRIED MAN. Which means he NOT AVAILABLE for you to flirt with or pursue in any way. You really need to have some respect for his wife and leave him alone period. This infatuation will pass if you allow it to. Don't pursue this unless you want to end up in some ugly love triangle with him and his wife. You'll fall in love with the guy, he WON"T leave his wife and you'll be left brokenhearted. Sorry to be honest but I've seen this exact senerio happen one too many times to other people not to warn you of a potential train wreck waiting to happen.