in need of advice and comfort

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
in need of advice and comfort
2
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:44pm
my boyfriend of 7 months has gradually drawn away from me. he says he needs space, and i understand that. i am willing to give the space he needs. i've read in a book that men have their need to pull away just like women have our need to be upset at times. i have made the mistake of being upset when he needed to pull away, and have not supported his need. so for the past months it's been up and down, one minute he would be close and the next it's like I don't know what happened. sometimes i think he wanted to be close just to make me happy. right now i have decided to go with the flow of time and see what happens. i don't want to give him any pressure. i see him everyday at school and he gives me rides everyday, but we don't say "i love you's" anymore, just occassionally online. he doesn't really walk me to class much anymore either. before this would've upset me very much but lately i've learned not to expect too much.

i am not ready to leave him or to be left, but i can cope with the latter if it happens. i am confused because this has been going on for a month and yet he seems to be getting further away. that makes sense based on the "men are like rubber bands" theory where they need to pull away until they can't pull away any longer, then they spring back. that is my hope. but i just wanted to ask if anyone's experience similar things? right now i am just going to go with the flow and not demand anything, but if this keeps on going i can't compromise forever. would eventually taking a real break help? maybe he'll realize what he had when im gone. but breaking up just to make a point.. im not sure about that. we are still together, and he bought me a dvd player for christmas, but i can feel the blockage and the loss of connection between us. any advice or suggestions? i would greatly appreciate it.


Edited 1/5/2004 5:38:36 PM ET by melody127

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:59pm

Stay strong.Relationships that start out when we are young dont always last, but rather occur to give us some kind of learning experience.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 5:15pm
i am thinking about starting to take a dance class. i've realized that i need to have my own hobbies and my own interests, and not center my life around him.

yes i actually i do want space myself too. thanks for bringing it up because i haven't realized that till now. when i am with him and he's being his cold self, i feel this tension and i get stressed out. when im not with him i feel more free to be myself and not worry about what to do when he's next to me. i think i just need to relax and not care too much, be more free on myself.

thanks for your reply. would anyone else please give me any more advice? i really need people to hear me out and let me know that im not alone in this.