Need advice ASAP

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Need advice ASAP
7
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 5:11pm

I started dating this girl a few months ago. We both went very fast. She started taking the pill because she wanted to take the relationship to the next level. While on the pill it made her ill & she became very depressed. We agreed that she come off of it & she did.


She did however tell me that she wasnt interested in being in a relationship because she couldnt give me what I needed. This was during her last week of the pill & her depression. I left her alone for two weeks. I did send her a text & she followed up with several texts, one of which said she thinks about me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: cmitch48
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 5:38pm

Welcome to the board cmitch48,


There is no way to predict what to expect from her tonight. I think there is a good chance that she is interested in getting back together. I think what you need to do tonight is to just be honest with her. Speak from your heart, but also listen to what she has to say also. Best of luck and let us know what happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: cmitch48
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 6:50pm

Hi cmitch48,


Here's your previous post so others can catch up on your situation.


This part: I told her that I miss her & she didnt say a word.


When you go tonight, don't let it be about your agenda.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: cmitch48
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 9:49pm
You are so perfect for her..I hope she sees that. But..you need to find out why she feels she cant give you what you want. Maybe she is incorrect in her thinking or is feeling that something in her life is a burden to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
In reply to: cmitch48
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 11:29pm

Talked to her tonight for about an hour. I explained to her why I pushed & that I was sorry for that. She understood where I was comming from & why I may have pushed. I asked her to forgive me & to give me a second chance. She then explained to me that it wasnt so much about the pushing (that was only a very small part), but

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: cmitch48
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 11:52pm

First of all, what are the ages of your children and hers? How will a relationship with anyone affect them?


She is afraid that you will not be someone will be be able to provide for her. Whether this is realistic or superficial I don't know. What do you think? Is she used to living a certain lifetyle?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: cmitch48
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 1:08pm

You dont go into detail about how she feels she cant give you what you want - did she explain that to you?


If you didnt do anything to yourself to get yourself into trouble to live with your kids in your parents house (like rob someone) and that issue is resolved and is not something that is a part of your life at this stage..then she should be able to overlook that problem. Sometimes things happen to us in life and have nothing to do with lack of ambition or responsibility.


What exactly did you push her for..a commitment?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cmitch48
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 6:00pm

Just let things flow naturally. Obviously, she has feelings for you. She became depressed for her own reasons (and possibly hormonly too, due to the pill). Don't blame yourself for this. You didn't do anything wrong. Listen to what she wants to tell you, respect her and her feelings and realize that it takes time and patience to build a lasting relationship. Let her know you care for her and want to resume the relationship in a light, easy way. And most of all trust that if this is good for both of you and you both miss each other and want to be together, it will work out.


Best wishes,