Need Advice ASAP- Meeting Him Tonight

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Need Advice ASAP- Meeting Him Tonight
7
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 10:43am

Here is my last post if you need the background....


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=30899.1&ctx=512


for those of you who just want the short story, I've been dating a 33 yr old separated man for 13 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 11:06am

He is intrigued because you are pulling back. He keeps mentioning that you have changed and it appeals to him. But you haven't changed. Your feelings for him haven't changed. Your needs in a relationship haven't changed.


He misses you and wants to see you but that doesn't mean you can have a healthy relationship. HE HASN"T CHANGED. Don't meet him. Let him go through counseling and take another break (or get another rebound girl) from dating. Don't get swallowed up in this again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 11:13am

I think he's just being selfish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 11:21am

You did the right thing in breaking it off with him, and you need to stay strong and keep your resolve. He cannot meet your (very reasonable!) needs. He wants to stay with you because you meet his needs, and he is being selfish by suggesting that when he knows he can't give you what you need.

Do not meet him tonight. It's just going to reopen the wounds that I'm guessing are slow to heal in the first place. With time, if he gets his head right, then he can contact you when he is sure of his feelings and able to offer all you need. But until then, you need to cut off contact with him so you can get on with your life.

You don't want to stay in a stagnant relationship and if you take him back right now, that's right where you'll be.

I know it's hard. Best of luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 4:07pm
How did it go?




angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 4:41pm

I agree with the other posts you need to let this guy go completely (that means no contact in any way shape or form)


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:10pm

I'm not sure what you did that was so terrible that it should cause his feelings to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2008
Sat, 06-07-2008 - 11:26am

Dear Pjbouchard,

ALWAYS DRAW A CIRCLE AROUND THE ONES YOU LOVE !

I truly understand what you go through, as I am in a similar position.
Your man seems to go through a major life crisis, which he admits and acknowledges,
since he is seeing a therapist.
His refusal to see another therapist, confirms that he finds it tough to deal with his own feelings, so he cannot really cope with the feelings of love, friendship and deep respect, which he obviously feels for you.

Both of you seem to communicate well verbally, in a respectful and calm manner, and this is very encouraging. His suggestion to go out for a beer implies he does not want to lose you, and indirectly would like to know whether you seek for a prospective partner, now that you are not that close. Did he ask you about your love life or future plans ?

He does not directly admit that he is facing a crisis, and this is what actually confuses you, as he suggests that YOU have been aloof, YOU have withdrawn emotionally.

You obviously love him, so I would suggest to "draw a love circle around him", and love him unconditionally. When his crisis is over, he will truly appreciate you, and I am sure that in about a couple of months you will be back together, closer than before !

Best of luck,
Oceanis xxx