need advice! B/F asked me to move out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
need advice! B/F asked me to move out
1
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 5:09pm
Lately my boyfriend and I have been fighting about stupid stuff. We talked yesterday after he snapped at me over nothing. Well he told me that he thinks that we need time apart so both of can think and see if this what we both want. We've been together about 1 1/2, and been living together for the past 8 months. He is 24 and i'm 25. His mother passed away when he was 17, he got married when he was 18 and divorced his ex over 2 years ago. This divorce happened because she was cheating on him.

I never have had good relationships, i've always let people walk all over me, and until I met him, I never truly knew what love meant. He has done for me what no one else has in my life...

I admit that the problems we have are not all his fault, and honestly I'd say that 80% of the fights are because i started them. I have been pressuring him about marriage and kids. I just didn't know that it was causing him so much problems. He cried and told me he loved me and he can't promise me anything, but he wasn't going to bring me down with him. I know he loves me, and he said we're still a couple, we're just not living together, but does it really have to be like this, Is there anything I can suggest or do I really have to sit and wait for him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 7:51pm
you do neither - sit and wait, nor accept the current situation.

Anger and short tempers are symptons of bigger problems - he seems to have had a number of losses in his life and it could be that they are catching up with him.

Whatever the reason, he has to deal with his own problems in his own time and own way. That means without you. It is irrelevant what you want or think about the situation. Its what HE thinks about it and he thinks you need time apart. So at this point, you must do what is in YOUR best interests - that means doing things that make you happy, bring you joy and help you become a better person. Waiting on someone else to decide whether or not to include you in their life is not part of that equation.

He has an emotional journey to make and you are not invite. In the meantime, you do not stop living. That's putting a relationship before your own welfare. It is simply a matter of choosign your own happiness or letting someone else decide when you will be happy.

Make smart choices.

Toni