need advice - don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
need advice - don't know what to do
2
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 6:23pm

I don't know what to do anymore, I need some advice on how to deal with my boyfriend. Unfortunately I think I know what I should be doing, but if anyone can give me any other advice, I'd love to hear it. Here's the deal ...

My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years now, it was love at first sight and it felt so right. we moved in together after only 7 months of dating, and are still living together. This past week he has told me he wants to take a break, he wants to move out and he want's to be alone.

He is in the process of deploying for Iraq, and says that he's so afraid I'm going to find someone else while he's there, or that something will happen to him - thats why he's doing this, to save us both a heartache in case it would happen. I've told him that it is my choice to be miserable while he's gone, hoping for the best. We knew this going into the relationship that he would deploy to iraq again, but I never saw this coming.

I know he has been talking to another girl. He lied about it, and I found out (saw the txt messages) - but he says shes just a friend, he hasn't done anything with her - yea - he likes her, but he doesn't want to be with anyone at all. He wants to be alone right now.

He's so confusing, I've tried to talk to him -but he can't give me any answers on why he's so confused. He can't tell me why he's so afraid, and one minute he tells me he's gonna stay with me until he leaves, we'll make the best out of the time we have togther, and the next second - he's saying he think he should be moving out and we should not pretend to be together anymore.

I'm SO scared to loose him. I've asked him if he can see a life without me (because we talked about marriage and everythign when he gets back from Iraq) and he says he does not want a life without me. He says he's terrified of loosing me, he loves me more than anything else in this world and I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. He says I make him happier than he ever thought he would be, and that the relationship is perfect - but he just can't do it anymore ?????

I DON'T UNDERSTAND! pls, just some thoughts on what to do - give him space, give him time .. but the thing is we don't have much time. He's leaving for training in the end of august, doesn't return until october - and then only two months until he deploys for 15 months. I don't want to loose him, I love him more than anything in this world - but I just don't know what to do anymore ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 6:32pm

If he is talking romantically to another girl then he isn't leaving because he is scared you will leave him first. That is juist a way to not take responsibility and to turn this around so he doesn't look like the bad guy.

You have no choice but to let him go both physically and psychologically. It hurts and it will hurt for awhile. You can't make him stay, love you or want to be with you even if he is sending you mixed messages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 6:36pm
no no, he's not talking romantically to another girl. He's just talking to her, but he once told me he doesn't think he should be having friends that are girls and single - but here she is (she dated one of his friends before, and I guess my BF helped her when she didn't know what to do with his friend).