NEED advice, This keeps getting worse!!
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 08-18-2007 - 12:41am |
OK, so I just asked for advice on how to forgive on another discussion board but now everything just got worse....
Well, my boyfriend of one year was having an emotional affair with some women; he was talking to his ex all the time and talking to other girls and hiding it from me. He went to visit his ex and lied to me about it telling me he was viting his family. Well, I tried to make new friends by using the internet when I found out what he did (platonic female friends) but 2 happened to be gay. I didn't see a problem with that because I'm straight. Well, when I found out what he did we talked and talked and decided to give our relationship another chance. But I lied and didn't tell him about the friends I had met and that I had met them in person.
Well today he found the phone number of one of those girls I met. She's gay and he thinks that I was trying to find a girlfriend and now he believes I'm bisexual, but I'm not!! He won't believe me. I had met her one night and lied about it, whcih was wrong of me!! Well, he asked me if I have any other secret and I admitted that I talked to my ex a few times when I was telling him we weren't talking but my conversations with my ex were regarding bills that were getting mailed to my house (we used to live together and he didn't forward his mail apparently) and he called me to borrow money. Well, i didn't tell my boyfriend and hid it when it happened because I knew he'd take it wrong.
So, today I finally addmitted everything and he wanted to break up. Now, I forgave him for his one year "affair" where he had contact with his ex on a daily basis and told her he was single and talked to other girls behind my back. I told him we had to be honest but then I wasn't honest because I didn't believe that he had changed. Well, last week (which was about 3 weeks after we got back together when I found out what he had been doing) I realized that my lying was wrong and that we need to start over and be totally honest, whether we have doubts or not so I stopped talking to everyone. My ex doesn't have my number and I refuse to have contact with him because I know it bothers my boyfriend. He says our relationship is too messed up and now he'll never trust me but I told him I really messed up and that the only thing we can do now is just forget about our past mistakes and just promise to both be honest and not do anything else behind each other's backs. He thinks he can never trust me again but I used to feel like that about him but I FINALLY understand that I can't lie to get back at him when I mistrust him and he can't do that to me because that's all we did in this relationship!!! Is there any way we can get past it? How do I get him to believe me that I never cheated on him because he doesn't believe that since I lied about some other stuff. I don't know what to do, our relationship was built on lie after lie and now it seems like it will never get better for us. I love him and tink that we were just too immature and if we can be mature and honest things will work. Please NEED ADVICE so BADLY!!!!! I don't want to end this I want to start with a clean slate and not talk about the past, just talk about the future. Will this help us and is there any chance of this working out???

Sorry, no, it's not likely. The best you can do is learn from this and never lie to a SO again--you see now the harm it can do.
Sheri
Welcome to the board heatherknolls,
I think the two of you need to take a break, possibly a 'forever' break.