Need advice please
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Need advice please
| Mon, 03-15-2004 - 11:38am |
Hello. I'm not sure if I should put this into this category, but here goes plus I need all the help I can get. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and along the way he's been nice, wonderful, supportive, generous, but at the same time, hurtful, non responsive to my needs and I am unsure if he is cheating. He makes comments like "I could sleep with someone else and you wouldn't even know, just like you can cheat on me and I wouldn't know. We can't watch each other 24/7." Asked me jokingly if I would dye my hair blonde and cut it into a bobb like style, which that described one of his ex girlfriend's. His other ex always calls and sometimes leaves notes, she even comes to his house (sometimes) late at night. The fact she does these thing's urks the crap out of me, I feel like I am in some competiton and I shouldn't be. My boyfriend does what I call "sneaky" things. If someone calls late at night or early in the morning, he will immediately look at the number then he deletes all the numbers and goes to listen to the message left through his phone. He told me last month an "admirer" left him a teddy bear and some pictures of herself on his front door. He claimed he didn't know her and I told him if he didn't know her how does she know where he lives? His excuse was that his roommate probably told her. About 2 weeks after telling me that he told me that he lied and said that in fact he did know her, through the club he goes to and that she had flirted with him before. He said he didn't want to tell me that right away because he didn't want to upset me (i know bullsh**). One day I decided to go through his wallet and found one of the pictures of that girl in his wallet. She was on a bed on her hands and knees in only a bra and underwear. I was highly p.oed at that. I mean he won't put a picture of me in his wallet, but he will of that girl? Then yesterday morning someone was calling his house early, he ignored the calls but about 10 minutes later got up checked to see who called and did the routine of deleting numbers and listening to msge's. through the phone. After that he got dressed and said he had something to do and so I left, then he doesn't call me for the rest of the day. The stupid thing is I love him because he makes me laugh, he is generous, supportive, kind and protective, but at the same time he does all the above I mentioned and more and I can't help having a gut feeling that something is awry with this relationship. I am starting to feel that he is cheating, but don't know for sure. I don't know what to do, any suggestion's? Should I approach him with the subject of me feeling he is cheating? What kind of man is this? Thanks.

:::The stupid thing is I love him because he makes me laugh, he is generous, supportive, kind and protective, but at the same time he does all the above I mentioned and more and I can't help having a gut feeling that something is awry with this relationship.
It's not stupid to love someone, but it's not healthy to remain with someone that has different values, morals, expections than you, especially with his annoying comments - he's not very mature is he? It's like he's goating you with his comments. But I'm sure if you called him on his behavior he would say he's joking and that you are misreading him. NOT. He playing with your head because he can. Take yourself out of the equations. Refuse to play the game. Don't allow the love you feel for him to overshadow the warning signs and make you stay in this relationship.
You can't love him enough to change him, make the contact with the other girls go away. You can't love him enough for him to be faithful, loyal, less sneaky, etc. Because it's not you. It's his character.
Rather than approach him on anything, I would just end it. This relationship is not working for me. I wish you all the best.
My best to you.
Carrie