Need advice please

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Need advice please
3
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 7:10pm

Well I met someone over 2 years ago online, through another friend. Well he lives in the UK and I live in the USA. We became best friends and fell in love soon after. We have talked about being together, but one thing leads to another and soon we are here were we cannot trust nor we are unsure of the real feelings of the other. Well we have many issues and he will not agree to meet me until these issues are taken cared of. I will list the issues, but I what I need is some advice on how to handle each issue;

1. Not being together - there has been so many hold offs, things happening, so many times that he has to think things through, and so many things scaring him that he has not come after 2.5 years (my issue is that I want him here so we can work together, but this is our ultimate goal for our future is to be together)

2. Promises broken - he was supposed to be here for my birthday, for christmas, for our anniversary of being together, then he promised to send money to buy the house we were going to live in and furniture and all, this still has not been accomplished.

3. Not being able to work together on things - he wants to do things on his own, he thinks if I try to help that I'm taking over, he procrastinates, and when he does things, all he says is that it's done (to me I like confirmation, not saying that he didn't do as he said, but just to know that it's done correctly)

4. Emotional actions - Yes, I love him so much that when I get hurt, I have tried to run away from everything, just drive off, I have even wanted to die because the pain was just so much. We didn't let go of many things in my past, so that affects us greatly, and we both feel that the other is not understanding or caring. He is also scared of what my family will think of him or the impression that he will leave on everyone. He is timid when someone says no (other than me) he backs off and let's them go.

5. Distrusting - snooping into his stuff to make sure that he still wants to be with me, not believing (needing confirmation), insecurities that things aren't as they seem. And my biggest one is jealousy (I am jealous as I have made him my entire world which I need to start to do things for myself)

6. Biggest thing is that we are both stubborn, we demand our ways.

To close this, I'm unsure if he fully feels what I do, I'm scared as he keeps pushing things off and unsure of coming, yes I do understand that up to now I shouldn't feel anything, but I do. I feel hurt, and yes I shouldn't love someone that I don't even know, but I do love him with all of my heart and soul.

Please help us, I want this to work out, I want to make things work

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 11:12pm
Have the two of you met before?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 12:10am

lips

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 4:53pm

Welcome to the board mei_bear,


I gotta say, I have the same questions and comments that brutallyhonest does....