Need Advice--Please Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2008
Need Advice--Please Help!
3
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 8:44pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and are planning on getting engaged next year. He is from out-of-state but lives and goes to school in the same area as me, about 6 hours away from where he's from. Recently, he found out his parents are getting divorced. Now his father has asked him to move back home because he feels
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 9:46pm
You are right. His father is selfish. This is not a good sign. Your bf may always put his family first. You have to decide if this is something you can live with for the rest of your life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 10:56pm

Welcome to the board rn731,


::I feel like if his father can manipulate him and my boyfriend won't stand up to him now, it will only get worse once we're married and have a family to consider too. Am I wrong for believing it's in his best interest to stay down here and for considering ending the relationship if he goes home?


It will only get worse with marriage if he's not able to live an independent life.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 10:00am

You're completely right. His father has no right to make a request like this of his son, not only is it completely selfish and guilt producing, but it's negative for his son. If the father has chosen to divorce (or the wife has chosen it), he has to face his new situation and go on with his life. He can't turn to his children to play the role of spouse for him. It's unhealthy on many levels.


Unfortunately your boyfriend doesn't see this. It's too bad. I know it can be hard to say no to a father, but he has to realize that his father's request crosses healthy boundaries and will not be useful for either of them. If he doesn't see this, there's really nothing you can do about it, but as you say, take a closer look at your boyfriend. Will he be able to stand up for what is right and healthy? Is he aware of it? Will this father now begin to take over his children's lives. Keep your own eyes open. It is very possible that his relationship with his father could effect your future life.


All good wishes,