Need advice! Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Need advice! Please help!
3
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:11pm
I have been with my current bf for a while. We are really happy together, neither of us have any complaints we have never fought or even had a disagreement. He is 6 years older than me and has been married once before. His 1st marriage flopped when he found out his wife and best friend were sleeping together. It was really hard on him and I don't think he will ever be fully over the hurt that it caused him. His family members have told me that they can see a change in his attitude and in his happiness levels since we started seeing eachother. This makes me really happy to know that he has been so happy and that his family has noticed. I'm still pretty young, but I really would like to be married within the next 2 years or so. But I am worried that with his past history, he won't even want to be married again on the off chance that that could happen to him again. Am I worried about nothing? What can I do to let him know that there is no chance in HELL that I would ever do anything like that to him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:26pm
tabslynn...

Almost ANY MAN who has been emotionally screwed....by an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend...will react the way your b/f is. {This is an issue Pianoguy can certainly relate to)!

The good news is...your b/f is gradually building up his trust again and this is because you're making him happy. The bad news is...if you're counting on being married within 2 years, YOU might be disappointed?

Rather than look at the negative...why not continue to "accentuate the positive" with this man? If his family says YOU make him happy and more secure...can't you put "the 2-year statute of limitations on marriage" out of your mind?

If the man doesn't 'make a positive move' after 4 years...then you can push the PANIC BUTTON! Good thoughts and positive vibes are coming in your direction from...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:50pm
Consider for a moment that he NEVER wants to be married again. Can you handle that? Judging by your post, it sounds like you two have a really good relationship. Dont limit your happiness by setting unrealistic goals. If you love this man as much as you say, then you should be OK with being patient and letting him heal from his past and move on at his own pace. If he loves you enough to trust you after what happened to him, you need to give him the time and space he deserves. Happiness does not come in the form of a marriage certificate.


Edited 8/18/2004 3:52 pm ET ET by hardcandy78
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:33pm
You didn't state whether he has told you how he feels about marriage. Did he say he is scared of getting hurt? Does he say he still hasn't recovered? Has he ever mentioned marriage?