need advice from single fathers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
need advice from single fathers
5
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 6:11pm
I have been seeing a guy who has an 8 year old son from a previous marriage. He (the son) lives far away in another state with his mother but he flys here to visit his father every other weekend. I really admire the effort and energy my guy puts into maintaining their bond.

As we have only known each other for about 4 months, we agree that it is too soon for him to introduce me to his son and I am totally o.k. with that.

His son has been here for 3 weeks and will be here for another 3 because school doesn’t start until the 1st week of September. Because my guy works from home, they are together 24/7 and as a result I have not seen him and probably won’t until after Labor Day. In addition to work and his son, he has a health problem that exhausts him. I know that he doesn’t have time to date; that is not the issue. He still calls me almost everyday but I feel as if we are on a “break”.

I know what you are thinking… I am having a pity party but I feel as though I am at the bottom of his list. I always thought that if a guy is interested he will make time to call or see you. Can you tell this is the 1s t time I have dated a guy with a child??

The truth is that writing this out has sort of answered my question and I know that I am being a big baby but is my situation part of “normal” single fatherhood?

Thank you in advance for your reply!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:45pm
I could be wrong but I do not think this is normal if he really likes you. He is probably trying to get back with the mother. And putting you off. Ask him....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 8:26pm
I admire this man for putting his son first. This child has lost his intact family and gets to "visit" his father occasionally. What fun. Your boyfriend has his priorities straight. He has correctly determined that his lovelife is secondary, and has put it on the backburner. If I were him, I would take it a step further and move close to where his boy lives to be even more involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 9:55pm
I'm dating a single father as well, and this is completely normal. He knows his priorities are with his son, and it may take a while before you become as important.

Since you have only been dating 4 months, it's really to early for him to know exactly where you fit into his life, so you thus get shoved to the "back burner".

Also, I would not pay much attention to comments made about how he's probably trying to get back with the ex. I really don't think that's the case here.

Give it time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:40pm
'He is probably trying to get back with the mother.'

Huh? I don't understand where you got that since she is barely mentioned in the post.

Aquagirl, he puts his son first in his life because he wants to and he needs to for the child's sake.

If he is not making time for you then you barely have a relationhip. I know you have feelings for him but what good are those feelings when you have no chance to express them to him?

I think you need to move on or accept that whatever time he can give you is it.


Edited 8/15/2004 12:45 pm ET ET by ciao_gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 4:30pm
Hello rmcdisme!

Thank you for your kind comments! I know this has come up because I have never dated a single father before. Add that to the fact that we havent known each other very long and I need to find something to keep my insecure mind busy!!

The truth is, if he was spending time with me while his son was here, I would think he was a jerk. How ironic!

I know that the post about his ex is off base. I guess I should have explained in my original message that they have been divorced for 6 years and she is happily remarried.

Thank you again!

aquagirl