Need advice/Need to Vent
Find a Conversation
Need advice/Need to Vent
| Fri, 09-03-2004 - 3:44pm |
This is a long story--- I'll try and keep it simple. My H was hurt at work over 2 years ago. He hurt his back and have to have surgery and it has greatly affected our lives. My once vivacious H was turned into a homebound, and I think depressed man. We have worked through a lot of things in our marriage. We were high school sweethearts and married when we were 19. We have stuck together, but his changed him. He became bitter and self centered. Not the man I married at all. He had his surgery over a year ago, I had just quite my job and took 6 weeks off to take care of him before starting my new one. He could do nothing for himself, he was like an infant. I want you to know that he is a good man, we have had our problems but he is a good man. This accident took away a lot of his idenity, he was no longer able to coach baseball like he had or play for that matter. He hasn't been able to work for almost 2 years. He had become increasing verbally abusive since the beginning of the year. I had started to think about leaving in Feb. I had wanted to try and stay to make things work, but there is only so much you can take. All I have ever wanted is my H back, the man that I married, the man I used to laugh with and love with. I had started talking wtih an old high school friend in January. I had dated his brother for a number of years, so we were close and he had always been a confidant of mine. We had kept in touch every few years. I didn't let him in on many details of my M, I'm not the type to let others help me solve my problems. Needless to say through a series of phone calls and emails OM & I became closer. He knew things weren't good for me. My Best Friend was going to visit her grandfather who lived close to where this OM lived and asked me to go with her. SO I did, and OM and I ended up having IC. It wasn't planned, but it happened. We talked about it and knew it would only complicate things further. Needless to say my H found out by reading an email I had sent to OM. That was a bad day, lots of tears. H had other issues too, never grieving for his grandfather and some other issues that came out once the tide of emotions started to flow. He keeps his emotions tightly guarded. BUt we love each other and are working on all issues. I know he needs time and space to deal with the A and other issues. We are trying. We want this to work. We are working on intimacy, it's so much better now and we have realized that we had given up on each other and focused on too many things outside of our marriage and we are correcting that. But he made me cut off contact w/ my Best Friend (who he never liked) and I had been friends w/ since we were 5. I am missing her so much. I had to cut off all contact and cancell all my emails accounts and even get a new cell number cold turkey. Which is fine, because I realize I need to earn back trust that I've destroyed and if that's what he needed from me I'll do it. BUt I have no one to vent to and I miss my Friend. OM and I have had no contact since, we both feel that was best. Although I will miss him as a friend. I just needed to vent as today it's been really hard not having her to talk to.

Reading material to consider:
Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful -- Janis Abrahms
Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris
Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore
What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed, Mitch Golant, Susan K. Golant
I Don't Want to Talk about It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, by Terrence Real
My best to you.
Carrie