Need Advice...Possibly A Lot

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2007
Need Advice...Possibly A Lot
15
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 10:45pm

Hi.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 12:51pm

You sound like a decent fellow - I mean, sure - we all make mistakes, but you've stepped up and learned from them. From your description, she sounds young...comparing your real life relationship to that of a fictional vampire character? Perhaps it's just the jitters, I mean marriage is a pretty big deal. Us women can be real attention hogs and romance freaks and from personal experience, you don't come to appreciate the more manly quiet adoration until you get a bit older. LOL

Maybe all it will take is a bit of wooing. Read the book, silly! hehe, take an interest since she's so obsessed with it and it may give you some ammunition to arrange more romantic stunts like the Harry Potter one (totally adorable, btw!)

Perhaps now and again, too - you could ask her advice on some personal matter that would engage her and let her see a bit of a preview of your "husbandlyness" (yeah, a made up word) "Honey, I was working on my budget for the month and there's this XYZ I've been considering purchasing and I have the spending $$$ for it, what do you think?"

eh, that's my $0.02 - hope I'm not off the mark.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 12:55pm

No, I get what you're saying totally.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 1:05pm

Aw, that's sweet! I'm sorry to hear she has the ups and downs, though. Both my younger sister and I endured a horrible mother - I reacted with the pendulum swing and tend to be passive and understanding, while my sister is just plain nutso. LOL - she called in sick to work one day - er, she called in and said she couldn't work because I was dead and she had to go to my funeral. Yikes...

Anyway, I digress...

If her bad days have her ranting *at* you rather than *about* you... then I think there's a subtly there to pay attention to - I mean, if she is randomly getting pissed at you, it could be a coping mechanism for something else she doesn't know how to deal with...may not even realize. I think the others are right - if you can go to counseling and if she can have her Dr. check her out to make sure she's getting anything she needs, that will certainly help.

I'm learning that two relationship biggies are commitment and follow-through... If you've committed to respect her and not lie and you're honestly trying to follow through with that, then that is the best you can do and you should be loved and appreciated for that. F'ing up now and again is normal - keep humble and admit when you do and it'll go a long way to maintaining that trust and secure feeling she needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 1:11pm

thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 1:17pm

I totally get it - I smoked starting at 16 yo and quit in 2000 for the birth of my son and stayed off smokes until he turned 5yo. Hubby wanted a cigar and I stupidly thought I could have a leisurely clove cigarette as I used to smoke one now and again when I was younger...it wasn't a malboro, I'd be okay, right? Duh, wrong! hehe, been smoking cloves every since.

My dh wants me to quit and I know I should, but I've been so stressed out and resentful that I've said F'it, it's my money, I'll smoke if I want to. Still dumb, even at 39... hehe

I was thinking of getting that new stop smoking drug - but the news last night scared me. Some guy was taking it and had a couple of drinks, freaked out and got shot trying to go into the wrong house. eewwww, nasty.

You sound like an amazing, smart, understanding, patient and terrific guy - you'll do good.

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