need advise before i loose a good thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
need advise before i loose a good thing.
6
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 11:16am
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 12:11pm

Get some counseling for yourself to work through your trust issues from you marriage. Get some self help books. It is not fair to you bf to pay for what your ex husband did. You have to love and respect yourself first and foremost, before receiving that from someone else.

JMO.... I would think with your trust issues that you have already, the threesomes you have with your bf would not do anything to help those issues, but make them worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 12:14pm

Too make sure I understand your situation, you and your BF have had threesomes, is that right?

I'm wondering if your insecurities lie not only because of your EX cheating, but also because of the threesomes. You are sharing your BF with someone else. Could you unconciously have a problem with it? He may not be 'cheating' on you, but he is physically with someone else in your presence which has to affect you somehow I would think.

Have you considered counselling? At the very least, it can help you get past the feelings you have from your previous marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 4:35pm

Welcome to the board goddesscr,


Have you tried telling him how you feel with the other drama/stress in your life and how it's making you feel? Maybe he would be supportive?






iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 4:47pm
yes, we talked a little last night but honestly it turned into me yelling at him and accusing him of wanting to cheat and honestly when i think about how i acted last night when he was trying to make things better, all i keep thinking about is how my X would always say he was at a "friends" house when he was out cheating and my b/f has never even gave me the impression he would cheat, even when i thought he would make a move without me, he told the girl to wait in the living room until i got home.... so i fully trust him, i just have some mind games in my own head i cant seem to get out...
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 7:22pm

Sometimes wounds and patterns from a past relationship that have not yet been healed come up again to be re-experienced in the next relationship. That is what is going on here. You are not reacting to your boyfriend but to memories of the past. You need to see a well trained professional to work out what happened to you, your feelings about it, and become able to let the past be the past. Otherwise, this will haunt you, (as it is haunting you now) and you will not be available to a present relationship that can give you the love and closeness you desire. Or, you can push a person who now loves you away. Get the help you need, work through these past traumas and let goodness into your life.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 8:57am

oh my gosh, that is exactly what I was thinking this morning on my way to work~!