need a girlfriends advise
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| Sat, 06-12-2004 - 3:53pm |
am 45 never married no kids
have been involved with a man for the last 3 years that is divorced with two kids.
last time we had a big fight he told me the only thing that gives him any happiness is his kids.
i do not get along with his kids. they live with their mother and then with dad on the weekends.
the kids have no disipline at home and until i came around on the weekends. the kids were running wild with no boundries. i told mr wonderful that respect for your elders was the least they could and should do.
i have insisted that when i cook they wash hands face and after dinner brush teeth.
dad did not think that was important until the oldest kid came back from the dentist with 5 cavities.
i think that video games and movies are rewards for good behaviour and not things you get just because. the kids are flunking out of school because they cannot read, write and are disipline problems in school. but they will both be moving on to the next grade.
there will be no summer school to get the reading skills up because the parents will be inconvienced by having to take the kids back and forth to school. so they will be sitting in front of the cartoon channel or playing video games at the babysitters again this summer.
the youngest one does not speak at all to me and he is going to speech therapy because no one understands him when he does speak.
during the last fight that i had with mr wonderful he said that i was too strict.
i think that kids should do simple things to show that they are part of the family and to make a family a peaceful place.
the kids do no chores unless they are at the babysitters house. she is the one who disiplines them.
mr wonderful has asked me to marry him but the one thing that is standing in our way are these kids that seem to be in control when they are with their father.
i look at this and see how foolish i am to be unhappy with this mess. i am torn because i love this man but his kids are out of control.
have tried talking to the mother but she is too involved with her job and her church to care. what can i do.

You can decide to marry him and take on the burden of trying to help correct these children's paths. That means exposing them to strictness that is necessary and pretty much being seen as the bad guy for a little bit. Bright side is that maybe later on down the line you will be appreciated for it.
You can decide to marry him and just put up with his children's bad habits and his lack to correct them. If you have the strength and patience it may work, or may end up in ruining your marriage.
You can try talking to him and expressing how you love him and may want to marry him but the issues that you have in reference to his kids. He may want to choose his kids and their behaviour over trying compromise and meet you both ways, or he may see where there needs to be a change
You can move on with your life and find someone to love and marry without kids or with disciplined kids.
Tell me what happens
Destiny
hi and hugs. i think that destiny just about summed up your options for you. but i think you really need to think long and hard about this.
ask yourself - if you could remove the kids from the situation (hypothetically, of course), do you think that this guy is really what you are looking for? and "what" are you looking for? do you want marriage? kids? no kids? LTR? do you want to raise someone else's kids?
see, i am wondering if this is really about the "kids" - or about how you are seeing your BF as a parent? and you are not really liking what you see, when you see him as a parent.
of course, personally, if *you* don't get along with his kids (for whatever reason) - then *this* relationshp cannot work out.