In Need of a Good Ear / Great Advice
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| Tue, 11-13-2007 - 1:40pm |
Hi There!
I'm in desperate need of some relationship advice, and I'm afraid I've no place else to turn. Should you be able to assist me with a good ear / some great advice I would be most appreciative.
That said ...
I am a 43 year old gay man. C and I have been involved in a loving, committed relationship for 18 years. We are best friends and take great pride in our relationship, as well as our mutual ability to care for one another and to make each other laugh. Things are stable, calm, and generally wonderful. The only issue at hand is a lack of intimacy : we've not been physically intimate in about 5 years, rarely touch and never cuddle. Candidly, it seems a small issue at that as relationships are about so many more important things.
We have maintained an "open relationship" for about 12 years - sex with others is permitted, but dating is not. This seems to work fine as C is much more sexual than I.
Recently I met S. He is handsome and funny and ... wonderful. We have been having an affair and I feel I am falling in love with him. No, I know I am in love with him. S feels as I do, and is fully aware of my commitment with C. It is easy for S and I to find time to see one another as C travels 15 - 18 days per month. Are you still with me??
I cannot get enough of S. I think about him the entire day through and feel he has awakened a side of me, a part of me, that has been missing for quite some time. I cannot get enough of him. His feelings are reciprocated and he assures me he has never felt this happy in his life. As a result, I have broken every rule in my relationship with C : S and I date, we sleep together overnight, we kiss and cuddle and hold hands.
Of course, I am racked with guilt for what I am doing to C. Moreover, if I ever hurt him a part of me would die. I know he suspects ... but is in denial. I always thought C and I would spend the rest of our lives together ... 18 years is a long time in gay relationship years.
But ... what if some divine being has brought S to me for a reason? And what if I let it pass in favor of my relationship with C and it is the wrong decision. I do not want to be without S and I am terrified to be without C.
I know this must sound horribly selfish ... but I assure you I am a good man with a big heart. I am in love with S. I feel this for certain. But how could I ever leave C after all the years we've shared? How could I hurt him so callously?
I feel so confused, and frightened ... and really need some advice.
Thanks so much for listening.
D

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