in need of help

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
in need of help
5
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:51am
i asked for advice a couple days ago and got no response, thanks a lot,maybe it was too long i don't know. i'll make it short this time. here it is: a few months ago i found condoms in my husband's car that he bought at a gas station. we still use condoms, but we get good ones from a store not cheap ones from a gas station. ne way, he never told me about them and since he didn't, i never told him i found them. i wanted to see if they would be used, and not on me, to see if he was cheating. months passed and they were still there. i finally asked him why, and he was shocked, he was like why you never told me i got them for us but i forgot about them. well it didn't make since to me and i didn't feel like arguin so i left it like that. now a couple days ago, i meet this girl in a chat room from the same town as us, we didn't know each other. but she knew my husband's car after i described it. he has a unique car, the only one in town, every1 knows it but doesn't know who it belongs to except friends. ne way she said she sees the car every now and then on weekday mornings between 6:30 and 7:00 on so-n-so street. well my husband goes to work at different times and gets off at different times ranging from any time at all, except when he works at his shop in 2 towns away and he has to be there for 7:00am and it's a 25 minute drive. well the street this girl sees him on is where he usually puts gas, but why would he go there since it's on the other side of town that he has to go. it is out of his way. when he can actually get gas on the highway at the same kinda gas station that is on his way to work. ne way what should i beleive? is he cheating on me before he heads to work or is going out of his way to put gas? what is goin on? please help me solve this out? we have aan awseome relationship, he is the best husband i can ask for, but what is going on. please help!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 1:49pm
These boards are typically slow on weekends, so don't think you were being ignored. There doesn't seem to be a lot of evidence that your DH is cheating. A stranger in a chat room described the car, but that doesn't mean she was accurate in her description, and it's not impossible that the car is very similar but belongs to someone else, and half an hour on occasional mornings doesn't seem like much time for an affair anyway.

If you have a great relationship with your DH, you shouldn't have any problem mentioning what you heard. There's no reason to accuse him of anything. Just make a comment saying you thought his car was the only one like it and see what he says.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:04pm
I agree with this advice. If you have a great relationship, then you should be able to discuss this with him. As far as the condoms, it sounds like they stayed right where you found them and never moved for months.

I would just talk to him about it.

Now, if you have other signs, then you might want to start looking a little closer at his actions (like is his time all accounted for). But if you are pretty confident in your relationship, then talk to him. It is a lot easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:54pm
you missed 1 detail. the girl in the chat room did NOT describe the car, i did. and trust me we live in a very small town, when we travel out of state, everytime we stop somewhere people always come up to us and compliment the car saying they never seen a car with what we have on it on a car before. it is a 2000 dark green honda civic but you wouldn't know the color because it has vinyl graphics on it that is camoflage, like real trees and grass like it could be used for hunting, ne way the whole car looks like that including the whole back window and the two back side windows, now c'mon who else would think to do that. ne way it was his car she was talkin about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 6:06pm
Well you have no way of knowing if she was telling the truth. She's a complete stranger and some people get their kicks from stirring up trouble. It seems odd to me that she'd remember the exact length of time the car was parked there. Even if it's true, there could be an innocent explanation for the car being there. The only way you can know for sure is to ask him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 12:00am
'we have aan awseome relationship, he is the best husband i can ask for'

Then he is approachable, honest and is someone who you should feel comfortable asking why his car was seen at that time.