You don't talk about the reason you are with him. From the picture you've painted of him, as a guy who likes to kick innocent cats and who tries to tell you you can't walk around your own home, he really doesn't sound like much of a catch at all.
If things are generally good, though, and you feel that he adds to your life, then I don't think this has to spell the end of your relationship. It really sounds as though he does not want to give you up. He just likes to have his cake and eat it too. Instead of figuring out how to balance what he wants and asking you to let him have more time for other things, he pretends he's okay with the situation. But then his frustration ends up coming out in worse ways later. If you look at just the actual issue, there's no real conflict of issue here. He wants to spend more time with his friends and family. You've said you're fine with him spending more time with them and don't try to stop him. So what's the problem? Just tell him, "Okay, while I enjoy having you here, I'm fine with some time away. Please let me know when there are other things you want to do." There. The issue is solved. It sounds like for some reason, he may feel that you need him to spend more time with you than you actually do. Just make it clear to him that he should not feel that pressure coming from you.
I think another part of the issue is that you misread him as not wanting to be in the relationship at all when that's not what he's saying. I remember I had a similar issue with my fiance at one point when we were dating. He told me he felt "trapped" in the relationship. My response to that was, "Nobody's forcing you to stay with me. If you don't want to be here, don't feel obligated to stay just for me." Then we talked things out some more, and I realized he very much wanted to be in a relationship with me, there were just moments when he wanted more time for other things. We realized we both just needed more time to do our own things, and our relationship revived after that. It was just hard for me to hear there were times he wanted to be apart from me and not think of it as being ALL the time. That sounds like what you are going through. If your boyfriend wanted to break up with you, he would have said "okay" when you offered to. He obviously gets a lot out of being with you, or he wouldn't still be with you.
All relationships go through rough spots. It doesn't lead to you hating each other unless the bad parts of the relationship consistently outweigh the good parts. I wouldn't worry that your relationship will get worse before it does. It could just as easily get better. I really think a lot of your issue might be solved just by sitting down and talking things over once you've both had time to calm down. It's just a question of- knowing what you know about him and his issues and imperfections, is he someone you want to continue being with or not?
If he doesn't plan on moving in with you, than were do you see your relationship going? Do you want it to stay this way forever? It seems like things got blown way out of proportion. I think the idea of taking a break for a while is a very good one.
You don't talk about the reason you are with him. From the picture you've painted of him, as a guy who likes to kick innocent cats and who tries to tell you you can't walk around your own home, he really doesn't sound like much of a catch at all.
If things are generally good, though, and you feel that he adds to your life, then I don't think this has to spell the end of your relationship. It really sounds as though he does not want to give you up. He just likes to have his cake and eat it too. Instead of figuring out how to balance what he wants and asking you to let him have more time for other things, he pretends he's okay with the situation. But then his frustration ends up coming out in worse ways later. If you look at just the actual issue, there's no real conflict of issue here. He wants to spend more time with his friends and family. You've said you're fine with him spending more time with them and don't try to stop him. So what's the problem? Just tell him, "Okay, while I enjoy having you here, I'm fine with some time away. Please let me know when there are other things you want to do." There. The issue is solved. It sounds like for some reason, he may feel that you need him to spend more time with you than you actually do. Just make it clear to him that he should not feel that pressure coming from you.
I think another part of the issue is that you misread him as not wanting to be in the relationship at all when that's not what he's saying. I remember I had a similar issue with my fiance at one point when we were dating. He told me he felt "trapped" in the relationship. My response to that was, "Nobody's forcing you to stay with me. If you don't want to be here, don't feel obligated to stay just for me." Then we talked things out some more, and I realized he very much wanted to be in a relationship with me, there were just moments when he wanted more time for other things. We realized we both just needed more time to do our own things, and our relationship revived after that. It was just hard for me to hear there were times he wanted to be apart from me and not think of it as being ALL the time. That sounds like what you are going through. If your boyfriend wanted to break up with you, he would have said "okay" when you offered to. He obviously gets a lot out of being with you, or he wouldn't still be with you.
All relationships go through rough spots. It doesn't lead to you hating each other unless the bad parts of the relationship consistently outweigh the good parts. I wouldn't worry that your relationship will get worse before it does. It could just as easily get better. I really think a lot of your issue might be solved just by sitting down and talking things over once you've both had time to calm down. It's just a question of- knowing what you know about him and his issues and imperfections, is he someone you want to continue being with or not?
He is a good person, very caring,
Please take the cat to the SPCA or another rescue organization before he kicks it again. I can't imagine dating someone who would do that.
You can't take the cat to the spca around here. There is a waiting list of 6 months to a year.
Welcome to the board jab1787,
If he doesn't plan on moving in with you, than were do you see your relationship going? Do you want it to stay this way forever? It seems like things got blown way out of proportion. I think the idea of taking a break for a while is a very good one.
glitter-graphics.com
glitter-graphics.com
I love him.... Moving in is not the issue here.
Welcome to the board jab1787,
You might find this interesting reading:
When he asks for space (aka, "a break") - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22130.1
That was very helpful.