Need help and advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Need help and advice
12
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 12:09pm

Ladies,
I need some advice.My wife and I have been together for 20 years,married for 15. We have 3 children 10,8 and 7. Life is busy.Well the passion and romance is not what it used to be and she doesn't seem to want to improve it.The sex life is not what it is.She never intimates it and we go for weeks at a time. Below is her response to my suggestion that we make love more often.

"I'm sorry that I don't feel the same way about this subject as you do. It's an issue that I don't think is going to get resolved the way you want it to. We've been together for 20 years and our relationship has moved on from the passionate one we had. Relationships change. You want from me something I don't have anymore."

Now, the other problem is that she had an affair a year and a half ago.Ilove her dearly,understood why she did it and forgave her.It still bothers me,and I do not want to leave her. She said it was over.I recently found her emailing the same man with flirty emails.She said it was an escape and they only met the one time.
I am trying to keep us together and need help.

Also,anyone know any good counselors/therapists in the Boston area.I know some of you will say that I should leave her,but I have no intention of that.I want her to put a priority on rekindling the passion we had and improve our sex life which I feel will help our relationship.
Thanks
Confusedguy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 6:51pm

Have you looked into codependency for yourself?


It is not your responsibility to make your wife happy, that is up to her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 7:17pm
Anna
Thanks for the advice.It's troubling because I don't have someone I feel like confiding in right now.I don't want someone to think everything isn't rosy in our house.I think you are right that I should see someone prior to both of us going.I think there is something inside her that is troubling her,I just don't want it to be me.
It's my nature to be affectionate I guess,and I am not sure,by not showing it,if she'll get the hint.
It may be worth trying.
Thanks,we''l see how it goes.I would like to get her interest in a more physical relationship back into our marriage.I am at a loss on how to do that.
Thanks again

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