Need help desperately!!
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| Mon, 08-30-2004 - 8:28am |
There is this guy I’ve known for 4 years now. We were friends for abt 3 years, before we started seeing each other on and off…it’s been a year now since we got together..nothing solid could come out of this relationship,coz we had our differences,but we were quite fond of each other.Atleast I was,though he never made his feelings known .Though it hurt in the beginning,I knew that we wud have to go our own separate ways when the time would come. He happened to be the first one to break off. When we starting seein each other his parents were lookin out for suitable girls for him to get married to…Two months back,he mentioned that he had taken a likin for a girl and wud be getting engaged to her soon..I was sad,but also happy for him and decided that we shouldn’t be in touch anymore..Anyways, we haven’t been able to stay out of touch for more than a few days at a stretch.. Recently we met after a really long time.. He happened to come over to my city on business.. We don’t get to meet very often coz we live in different cities.. We went out to lunch together and then to a coffee shop..We talked a lot,the usual things… he didn’t mention his fiancee nor did I bring it up..through it all,he just happened to kiss me and one kiss led to the other…Though we didn’t really end up makin out,we sure did a lot of heavy duty petting. I need to know a few things..What exactly is goin on in his mind? He might come over to my city again after a month or so..If we don’t meet up,that’s fine with me,coz I’ve already put all this behind me and am movin on..But if we do meet,am sure a repeat performance is more than likely..Besides, I like him so much that I might not be able to say 'no',if he does ask me out again!!Any suggestions on how to handle this??

Nothing. He's thinking with other parts of his body. He's told you he's engaged or getting engaged, yet he came to visit you. What kind of integrity is that? He's cheating.
You will be the one that gets hurt. You want more than he's able to give. He's having his cake and eating it too. He's using you for sex when he's out of town. He's having the benefits of your affection without a commitment.
Carrie
"If we don’t meet up,that’s fine with me,coz I’ve already put all this behind me and am movin on..But if we do meet,am sure a repeat performance is more than likely..Besides, I like him so much that I might not be able to say 'no',if he does ask me out again!!"
Can you see the contradiction in your words? You haven't put this behind you, and you haven't moved on - not in the least. If you had you wouldn't be contemplating a potential repeat performance. You are acting like a puppet, he pulls your strings, you do the dance and then you sit inert until the next time he wants to play with you. The title of your post includes the word "desperate", and your desperation comes from the fact that you have no boundaries. You are not "unable" to resist him, you simply choose not to. And you won't really move on and put this behind you until you realize it.
Plus, how can you possible have any respect for him now?
Whatever your past may have been with this guy, you are an adult and as such are responsible for your choice to be or not be with this guy.
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Obviously you haven't put this behind you and moved on. You can not be friends with an ex until you no longer have any feelings for them 'that way'. If you can't trust yourself to behave appropriately, then just don't see him until you can.