Need help heading for divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Need help heading for divorce.
3
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 11:46pm
I've been married for 15 years. We seperated after 7 years and were back together after 6 months.Since jan 04 things have fallen apart we don't trust each other.My wife say's she don't want to try anymore. I will do anything but i don't know what to do. When we talk i try to be nice but she say's mean things and we end up arguing. HELP
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 8:17am

Have you tried marriage counseling? Was there a specific reason behind the seperation?


Unfortuantley, You cannot make someone feel something they claim to not feel. You cannot make them do or act in ways they do not want to act. You want her to be with you because she loves you and want to be, not because you make her feel as though she has to.


My advice would to be to offer the suggestion of marriage counseling..If she still doesnt feel like trying, then i say to accept her answer and try your best to move on.


Good luck, keep us posted as to what happens.


 

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 10:29am

When there are deep patterns between two people and unersolved issues, it is difficult to just jump back in and have things work. Clearly, the two of you need outside help to get through the recurring problems in your relationship. You need a well trained, marriage counsellor or psychologist. Tell your wife that the two of you really can't do this alone, and just getting back together doesn't constitute giving it a real try. Tell her you'd like to see a professional with her and are willing and ready to work on yourself. Ask her if she is? If she isn't, there is nothing you can do about her decision, but it would be advisable for you to see someone yourself anyway. Divorce is painful and obviously there are deep feelings between the two of you or you wouldn't have stayed married for so long, despite the separation. It can only be beneficial to get support, clarity and deeper understanding while going through a difficult time.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:38pm
Reading material:

Should I stay or Go: How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage, Lee Raffel and Jean Jouston

How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page

Divorce Busters by Michelle Weiner-Davis

Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw


Carrie