Need help I am confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2007
Need help I am confused
2
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 11:44am

So here I am again. If you didn't read my last post here it goes in a short version. I work in the same department as this guy who I consider a really good friend anyway last weekend called him up to see if he wanted to get together and hang out he said yes so I went to his house. We had some beer and one thing led to another I got a back massage and then we kissed. We talked about everything, he opened up as well as me. He normally doesn't open up like this he is a very shy guy. Told me that he is scared of getting hurt because he has been hurt to many times in relationships. He told me that he wants the same things in life that I want, we are so similar he said that he has noticed that also. Anyway returned back to work on Monday and boy oh boy was it really akward. We made a little small talk but we were not acting the same around each other as before this happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 2:03pm

Hi ivil_gypsy,


Here's your previous post - Are we just friends


::So my question is would he think I was pushing if I were to call him tonight to see if he wants to hang out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 5:55pm

Somebody who says the timing isn't right for him in the relationship isn't going to be hanging out with you hoping that it will lead to relationship when he's sober. He'll just be hanging out with you as a friend. It sounds like you want to be friends with him in hopes that something more will develop. However, if he's not looking to start a relationship at this point in his life you shouldn't expect that to happen. If you want to hang out with him as a friend, and then search other places for your dream man, that is fine. However, if your hope is to hang out with him because he might be your dream, then I would forget it. Your dream man is going to be somebody who will be ready to allow things to start developing when you are ready. Not somebody who could potentially keep you hanging on as a friend for years and years.

If you truly want to just be friends, then you can call him up and clear the air and let him know you want to put what happened behind you and are willing to go back to being just friends. However, the sense I get from your post is that even you claim you want to be just friends, you really want to see him in hopes of pursuing a relationship. It's fruitless to pursue a relationship with anybody who doesn't believe they're at a point in their life where they're ready for one though.

I think you have already made it clear that you are interested in something more by your comment to him about what last week-end meant. I expect that if he reaches a point where he knows he wants to pursue a relationship with you, he will let you know. Until then, you should assume he's off the market though.