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Need Help Please!
| Mon, 04-23-2007 - 9:57am |
Hi - I am new to this board - and I need some serious advice. I have been married to my husband now for 5 years. He has a 13 year old son that we have every weekend. He is a great kid and we get along really well. My problem is - when my husband and I got married we discussed have a child of our own and we were both all for it. I had gotten pregnant last September, but had a miscarriage. We received the OK to start trying again, this past January - but we have not for one reason or another. Well about a month ago - my husband tells me that he does not want to try again, in fact he does not want to have a child. He had thought about it a lot and he does not want to be 60 putting a kid through college. He wants to be able to travel and do things by then (he is 38, I am 35). I want a child now more than ever! I don't know what to do - I feel like I have to choose between my husband and having a baby. I feel that he is in some ways being selfish - because he already has a child and he is not allowing me to have that. I also feel that since the day I met his son - my husband has wanted me to treat him like he was my own (which I have) and now - I don't get to have one on my own - I think it's mean! In general we are happy together - but we have our issues like everyone else. I am heart broken - because I feel that if we stay together and I don't have a child - I will resent him for it 10 years down the road. But I am nervous that I will have to go through a divorce and deal with all of that now too. Any help or advice would be so appreciated. I am so sad and I am not sure where to turn.

hi,
have you guys tried counseling? maybe he still has unresolved feelings about the miscarriage.
e.
Welcome to the board intoodeep,
How sad for you that he had a change of heart.
I actually have talked to him about going to counseling and he is not interested. I actually went and talked to a counselor last week and they told me that we should come in - but I asked him and he said there really wasn't anything to talk about - he didn't want to do that.
So I am going - and it's just helping me get through what I am going to do. He mentioned to me today - that he feels bad because he loves kids and a marriage is 2 people and their feelings and it's not fair - but he says his reasons are completely selfish and he just doesn't want to have to wait another 18 years to do the things he wants.
Wow, you are in a really tough position. I don't really have any advice for you. I just wanted to say I hope you figure things out and that you will be happy with the decision you end up making.
My fiance and I are getting married in June and if he told me that he didn't want child I don't know what I would do. I have wanted to be a mother
glitter-graphics.com
This is a sad and disturbing situation. He is renegging on a promise to you and that's not acceptable. You treated his child as a son, and you planned on having a child together. You need to tell him that he is altering the basic foundation of the marriage, and that both of you have to do that together. Go find a good marriage counsellor and get him into counseling with you. This has too many ramifications to be brushed under the rug. You both need to work through your feelings about what's happening. It does seem very unfair for him to take away something so basic and important to you. I know you are 35, but if having a child is deeply important to you, there is still time to do something about it. Time is of the essence now. You do not want to stay in a situation, forever, where you feel ripped off and unfulfilled. Get some counseling quickly and then make a good, healthy, respectful choice for yourself and your life.
Best wishes,
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