Need help to stop looking at our future

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Need help to stop looking at our future
2
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 2:10pm
For some reason, I have become obsessed with thinking and talking about getting engaged and married to my boyfriend of three years. I think it's because we know we want to get married within the next two years and I just want to start our life together. My bf has been really sweet and understanding but I tend to annoy him with all the talk about our future and not living in the present. I really just love him so much and am getting ansy about starting our wonderful life together. As it is now, he has a full time job and I have one more year of my three year masters program. I just wish I could calm down and chill out before I ruin our relationship. Because my program is so demanding, we only have a few days a week that we can spend quality time together and I just want to enjoy it with him. Can anyone give me some suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 3:43pm
I know just how you feel. It's hard becasue it feels like you're holding your breath just waiting for this wonderful new life to start and you can see it but you can't quite reach out and touch it.

The thing you have to keep reminding yourself is that the life you want has already started. Try to make yourself relax and enjoy it. Instead of nagging (I say nagging becasue that's probably how he feels about it) him about exactly when it's going to happen revel in the fact that he's planning a future with you.

If you see a house you like when you're driving together point it out to him. If you've always wanted to go to Hawaii mention you'd love to take a vacation there when you can afford to. Just not all at once.

Go ahead and start planning a real future together. Make sure you've talked about all those important relationship issues like money and kids and religion - once agian not all at once.

But start letting yourself think in terms of this is my future husband instead of this would be my future husband if only he'd propose. If both of you are in it for the long hual and you both know that, who needs a ring or a marriage certificate to start a wonderful life together.

Realizing that is what finally worked for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 10:04pm
Thank you so much for your reply. It really does help me put some things into perspective. I mean, I could be wishing he would marry me, not even knowing if he would want to marry me. I am hoping I can take your suggestions and relish in the fact that I have found my future husband.. even though the actual act of marriage had not been performed.. yet. Thank you.