Need help...on what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Need help...on what to do?
5
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:33am
I think Im in love with my brother-in-law,that is my husbands younger brother.He let me into this a week back when while talking generally..which e alays did..he said he loves me n has loved me since ay long.Then I sat back thinking I too have a soft corner for him..right from the begining n that was the start.As my hubby was out e both spoke to each other 10 hrs a day those 3 days n the didnt kno what had happened n ho.Am in a fix what to do...its the same family..if anyone gets to kno we're dead..both are married ith kids n dont know whats on.It's diff to concentrate on anything.Please help me..Im confused..since all this has been on we've been talking n he has to come to us tomorrow for 2 days for some ork n the problem is that my hubby is again goin out of ton tomorrow.what ill happen...ho do we two keep control..or let go once n then put an end to it..He feels we should let it happen whatever happens once so that all our feelings n lust is out..then put a complete stop...but dont know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:05am
You need psychiatric help. I'm not being sarcastic here. I'm very serious. I looked at your profile and it says a lot of disturbing things about what's going on in your head.

Your are a wife and mother of little ones and you are actually considering having an affair with your husband's brother? There is a word for this - its called incest. If you go through with this you will destroy your family and any remaining self-respect you may have.

Remove yourself from this situation. When your husband leaves town, you take the kids and go visit a relative or friend FAR AWAY until your husband returns. And no, don't tell your brother-in-law that you are leaving for that time. And stop talking with this scum for "10 hours a day." That is time that should be devoted to your children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:29pm
Don't let things progress to an even more inappropriate level between you and your brother-in-law than it's already become. If I were in your shoes, I'd stop communicating with your brother-in-law. Don't see him or talk to him while your husband is out of town. This is just inviting more complications and cheating. The only contact I'd allow is brief, civil conversation during family gatherings. I wouldn't put myself in a position for 1:1 communication or contact with him.

Since it sounds like he has told you his feelings and is encouraging that you give into lust and see what happens, YOU are going to have to be the one to put on the breaks here...not him.

Remind him that you are his brother's wife and you are not going to cheat on your husband. Period. It sounds like you only began thinking of your B-I-L in a romantic way after he told you he is in love with you. If you think you are confused now, I can assure you that if things get out of control...you will be far more confused than you feel now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:37pm


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:23pm
Thank you; the previous post does make things a little clearer.

sweetiepie 4 u: your message on 9/25 was asking if persuing a love interest with your brother-in-law is wrong. Answer: yes. I would stop going down that path you are on...it's certain to meet with disaster.

You also wondered if you should continue communicating in secret because it makes you both feel great. No, don't continue communicating with one another. What you have going on is an emotional affair. Of course you feel great...don't most people feel excited and flattered when they find out another person is interested in them? There is possibly some thrill of building a bond with a new person and fantasizing about this new person. There may also be a thrill from the secrecy/forbidden aspect of this relationship for you and/or him.

Emotional affairs are very damaging to those around you: your husband, your brother in law's wife, children involved and other family members. Nothing good will come of this, IMO. Sometimes people don't realize that emotional affairs are indeed cheating on a spouse, but the truth is that they are a form of cheating. You are building emotional dependency, feelings and confiding in another person outside of your marriage. You are behaving inappropriately behind your spouses' backs. If you continue this emotional affair, you are equally responsible for your actions as your brother in law is for his actions. You're playing with fire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:45pm
Okay, so first you post wondering if you should even keep talking to this guy. Everyone gave you incredible and wise advise telling you no. NOW you are posting to see if you should have sex with this same guy...your husbands brother. Why do you keep posting if you aren't even going to take the advice? I mean, you are in an even worse situation than when you ignored our posts the first time.

I don't know if you have any sisters, but I do and I can guarantee you that there will be hell to pay, because if it does happen (which it probably will because you obviously don't really care what we say) it will happen more than once, and EVERYONE will find out and you will TEAR an entire family apart. Because you seem to know this is wrong it seems to me like you don't care how badly you hurt your husband and kids and his brother and his wife and their parents and grandparents and...so on. I know it's not just you, it takes 2, but guess who they are going to have an easier time booting out of the family?

I don't think you love your brother AT all. I think you were flattered that he had "feelings" for you and it's fun and you like the excitement. But you don't love him. What makes you think you have the right to ruin 3 families (yours, your BIL's and your husbands)? How do you think you are going to feel after this is over? Listen, you might think it's a good idea now, and it might be the satisfaction you were looking for, but think: if you sleep with your brother, people will find out and where will that leave you?It will leave you standing alone with 2 broken marriages and a broken family. And what will you have to show for it? Some sex. Is it really worth it?

I read your profile as well, and it seems like EVERYTHING on it is talking about love love love love love. And from reading your profile and post it sounds like the only thing you love is yourself. No one deserves what is going to happen if you guys do this. Please respect yourself and your family enough to back off.

Good luck