Need input

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Need input
9
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 9:48am

Hi all,


Need some input here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: camult
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 12:31pm

I would tire of this too. He's a liar, he is constantly sabotaging your relationship, and you've now seen that he has a very spiteful, vengeful streak. Having had relationships that I also described as "rollercoasters" I have to say that whenever I hear the word "rollercoaster relationship" I think of a relationship that is way too dramatic and exists only because the good times are just as intense as the bad ones, even if they aren't as frequent.

In two and a half years with someone, you definitely know him well enough to know the person he is. Honestly I would be long gone by now; if you really want to give him one last shot then this should be his final warning but as you know ("yeah right") it's very unlikely he will be able to change his personality overnight. This is a serious flaw in himself, and clearly has existed a long time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: camult
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 5:12pm

Welcome to the board camult,


If you are seeing a pattern and he's not doing anything to change it..... then maybe it's time to read the writing on the wall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
In reply to: camult
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 5:59pm

I tend to think it's harder to change how we are as we get older.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: camult
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 7:11am

I know that part of his personality has been there forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: camult
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 7:22am
Thanks, it's been a while since I've read a self-help book...maybe it's time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: camult
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 8:48am

I do agree that the older we get we tend to get set in our ways, but even at my age I would think if I'm entering a new relationship, a new life I must make some adaptations myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
In reply to: camult
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 12:45pm

<>


This was the standard that I used, lay person that I am, when I was at the end of my marriage and was asking the question that you asked, "do I ask him to leave or am I expecting too much?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: camult
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 7:13am

Actually, I spent some time thinking about this.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: camult
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 2:53pm

Patterns in relationships do repeat themselves. It seems as though this is the way he is used to relating and it's going on with you too. It's an unhealthy, upsetting pattern and there is no reason why you should have to accept this kind of back and forth behavior. It's very de-stabilizing and can certainly make you lose self esteem as well.


You have every right to have a mutually respectful, considerate, kind relationship where you both communicate in a mature way and work out differences naturally. That's not too much to expect. That's basic good health.


Best wishes,