Need opinions!In love or out? Try again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Need opinions!In love or out? Try again?
4
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 2:35pm

Hello everyone. I just want to know what people think about whether I should work towards saving my relationship or dropping all ideas and moving on.

My boyfriend and I just broke up. I stormed out after a fight. I packed up because I wanted to hurt him and the best way I felt was to leave. But I packed up in about an hour, full of anger and not realizing that I didn't want to leave. He wanted to stop me but didn't because he didn't want me to reject him and all I wanted, despite being angry, was for him to comfort me.

I realize now that I became very codependent. We moved in together and have been living together since February. I used to be very outgoing and had a large social circle. I rarely go out now and when he went out, I would get upset, and I realize now, jealous that he still had friends and activities outside our relationship.

We still talk now, and he tells me he's been a fool and made mistakes with our home life. We miss each other and get along great. But I don't know whether making the changes that we've realized caused problems will fix it or if we simply need to move on now. Being together feels natural and comforting even now.
But we have a lot of challenges.

We're both young and need space and time to grow up, we've been together less than a year and we're each others first serious relationship. I'm really confused. I want all of it to work out. I feel like I want him in my life. But I feel like the odds are stacked against me.

Any feedback would be great! Thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 5:04pm

'I realize now that I became very codependent. '

That sounds like the best reason to leave and be on your own for awhile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 5:53pm

I don't think you necessarily need to break up- the problem of codependence isn't his fault, it's yours. You need to stop relying on him for all of your social and emotional needs. No one person can be everything to another person- you should start hanging out with your old friends again, and try some new activities to meet new people. I think you'll be less frustrated when you stop expecting your boyfriend to be your entire social circle and just let him be your boyfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 1:44pm

you know what the right thing to do is; get your space and take your time to grow up.

you deserve a man that would know that you only wanted to be comforted. you deserve a man that will comfort you when you need that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 2:36pm

Welcome to the board ms.yuly,


::We miss each other and get along great. But I don't know whether making the changes that we've realized caused problems will fix it or if we simply need to move on now.


If you can start including 'you' time with your friends and work on your codependent traits, maybe the two of you could work it out.