need to save my relationship with mom
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need to save my relationship with mom
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 11:33am |
i moved away from my family when i got married and now we live like 1000 miles apart. ever since i got married she has been calling twice or three times each day. this really made my husban angry becuase it seems as if i didnt get married at all as if i was living at home with mom. she would call me everytime she was going somewhre and when she comes back. today i told her that she calls too much and that i love her but its getting me and my husband into fights. well the way my mom is she got angry and said she will never call me again and that i shouldnt call her either. she said that if i want to come and visit again i can but she will never speak to my husband. i love her and i want her to call but just not 3 times a day. how can i show her that i love her and it is ok that she calls me like once a week or at least every 3 to 4 days.
help .
sad
help .
sad

Maybe your Mom feels "alone" and "hurt" now that you are gone, married and moved 1,000 miles away. She doesn't know how to let go (cut the apron-strings). Are you the only child? Is your Mom single? If so, she needs to get out and meet people and try to have a life of her own. Does she work? Is she retired? She may be dealing with a lot right now, and can't adjust to you being gone.
You've told her that you can't speak with her 3-times a day, and she responded by saying "I will never call you again", because she is hurt. Don't take it to heart. She will come around. Try writing her a nice note saying how much you love her, and want to stay in touch with her, and how important she is to you -- try and negotiate how often you will call each other. I think once a week, or every two-weeks is okay.
The bottom line is, your Mom has to come to a compromise. That's what every relationship is about, compromise. You have to find a happy medium.
I wish you the best.
i just hope everything works out.
::today i told her that she calls too much and that i love her but its getting me and my husband into fights.
Hey, mom, I've got a ton of errands today, can you call me tomorrow? Wean her. OR screen your calls and only pick up once a day at first, then try the 'call me tomorrow' or hey tomorrow I'm busy, but I'll call you the next day.
I hope you find a way to heal it.... what you said about loving her and missing her is a good place to start.
Carrie